


The Night We Met

by Basic_Spirit



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Friends to Lovers to Enemies, KHDR spoilers, Lots of Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, basically exploring what could happen between the start of dark road & the 4 years later cutscene so, them/they bragi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basic_Spirit/pseuds/Basic_Spirit
Summary: Change is a natural part of life, but watching someone you love drift away was the hardest thing Eraqus would ever had to do.How could he let this happen to Xehanort?
Relationships: Eraqus/Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy everyone, gotta get this story published quickly before the next KHDR chapter comes out and it's all not canon compliant anymore, lol. I wrote this in august when I first started playing and like, come on, how do we go from cute young xehanort and eraqus playing chess to ymx in kh3?? I really wanted to explore what could happen in their time as students, especially with the 4 years later cutscenes so I hope you enjoy!

Eraqus would never forget the day Xehanort arrived in Scala ad Caelum. It was a rare occurrence – having someone enter from the outside world – but this day stood out even more than that in his mind. It was a windy summer afternoon (weren’t most of them windy?), the port bustling with shoppers and diners. News always spread fast, and when Eraqus had heard that a boy his age had appeared on the dock, he’d run all the way down from his tower to see. Watching from one of the higher streets, his loose hair blowing in the wind, he leaned hard on the wall, first laying eyes on the brown boy with white hair. His heart was light with curiosity, peering down, nestled amongst the other nosy residents.

The two wouldn’t meet in that moment – all Eraqus could make out was the other’s mouth mutely moving, talking to the Masters that had come down to receive him. Eraqus knew that he existed first, blending in as one face in a thousand. He could sense a kindredness already, their connection beginning at first sight.

Later that evening, Eraqus couldn’t quell his curiosity. He snuck out as the sun went down, tracing the well-worn path to the training hall where he and his companions spent their days. He stood there on the threshold to the study, peeking through the crack in the door as his Master spoke to the newcomer, quietly discussing their options. Eraqus was transfixed, eyes locked on him as the Master stood and let him know, “I’ll fetch you a training key,” beelining for the door and barely giving Eraqus enough time to dart behind one of the large columns in the hall, cloaked in the shadows. As the Master passed, Eraqus returned to the door, sizing up the stranger again. He was moving to sit by the windowsill, looking around and taking the classroom in. As Eraqus entered the study, he looked down out the window at the city sprawling below them, not able to see Eraqus approaching.

“You know how to play?”

Xehanort looked back over, finding the mysterious boy in white suddenly close to him. He followed Eraqus’ gaze down to the board beside him, checkered black and white. He was shocked into silence for a second, then found his voice, “Is it chess?”

“Exactly!” Eraqus beamed. “We should play some time. I’m really good.”

Eraqus was relieved when a small smile grew on Xehanort’s face. “I guess we’ll have to see.”

It was about then that their Master returned, exclaiming: “Eraqus, what are you doing here?”

The dark haired boy jumped with surprise, stepping back. “Um, I was just, y’know, in the area, and I-I wanted to come say hi…”

Master Odin crossed his arms. “It’s much too late for you to be out alone. There will be time for introductions tomorrow. Get home at once.”

Eraqus grinned sheepishly and gave Xehanort a tiny wave, scurrying out of the room before he had to face any more of his Master’s wrath. Xehanort’s curiosity was piqued, watching the other boy dart away, but he had more pressing matters to attend to: namely, the indigo key in his new Master’s hand.

When the initiation was over – his forms signed and lessons laid out – the Master finally led him to the dorm he would be staying at. It was a small, plain room, only a few halls away from the main study, but it was private enough. Xehanort’s mind was open to whatever this world would bring: his fate had brought him here, and he had to trust it. “I’ll fetch you in the morning before classes start,” the Master formally acknowledged, closing the door most of the way. “Goodnight.”

Xehanort wandered his new lodging, setting the key on his desk, pulling a blanket out of the closet and going to lay it on the bed, readjusting the pillows. As he moved to crack the window open, there was a creak in the hall and he turned back, finding the a pale face in the crack of his door – the other boy from before. “I didn’t catch your name,” Eraqus said timidly, gripping the door. 

Xehanort couldn’t believe his nerve, but kind of appreciated it. “Xehanort,” he replied, extending a hand.

Eraqus took the invitation, entering the room and grasping it. “Nice,” he smiled. “I’m Eraqus, by the way. I think we’re going to be classmates.”

Xehanort looked down at the blade on his desk. “Interesting.”

“…Are you really from the outside worlds?” Eraqus couldn’t hold back his curiosity any longer. Xehanort met his eyes and then nodded slowly, unsurely. “Wow…” he sat on the small armchair, grasping his hands together. “How did you get here? And why would you come here?”

“I’m not completely sure,” Xehanort admitted, sitting on the edge of his bed. “And this place, it… it kind of  _ called  _ to me.”

“Did you know other worlds existed?” Eraqus asked. “We’re not supposed to, but my father has been to them and he told me about them!”

“I’ve had a feeling for years, but I never really thought it would be true…” Xehanort sat back, looking out the window to the buildings below them. “I never expected a city like this… a  _ keyblade…” _

“It is incredible,” Eraqus marveled, glancing at his hand for a moment. “I’ve lived here since I was born. I’ll show you around after class tomorrow, okay?”

Xehanort smiled slowly again, looking down. “Alright.”

“So what’s it like where you’re from?” Eraqus leaned forward intently. “Tell me everything!”

Wonder was spreading on Xehanort’s face. “My family lives on the mainland, near an island chain…”

They talked long into the night, exchanging tales about their homes, sharing their hopes and dreams, finding more and more in common despite their variable beginnings. As the sky got bright, a set of footsteps bounded down the hall, barely rousing Eraqus from his half-sleep on the armchair.

“Master Odin –” a voice boomed. “Have you seen Eraqus? He didn’t come home last night.” The figure stopped by Xehanort’s door, revealing Eraqus’ father. He sighed. “Nevermind, found him.”

Eraqus sat up a bit, stretching, “oops, sorry, father…” Xehanort, sprawled backwards on the bed was rubbing his eyes too. “I guess we kind of lost track of time.”

Master Odin appeared beside his father. “Eraqus, please stop bothering the new student—”

“I didn’t mind,” Xehanort spoke up, propping himself up. “It was nice to have someone to talk to.”

The Master’s arms remained crossed and Eraqus’ father stepped in to take Eraqus’ hand. “Son, you shouldn’t be sneaking out like this…”

“I was just excited!” Eraqus whined. “Bye, Xehanort! See you in a bit!”

Xehanort couldn’t help a smile from tugging at his lips. He straightened his face when he noticed his Master’s displeased expression, sitting up. “I am sorry, Master,” he dipped his head. “I couldn’t say no to him. I have so many questions.”

“It’s alright, Xehanort, it’s not your fault,” the Master relaxed his stance. “I’m sure you’ve already seen that Eraqus is a force to be reckoned with; everyone in Scala ad Caelum knows that.”

Xehanort knew he would be the one to reckon him.

Not much longer after, the two met for the second time in the study. The other classmates were huddled by the desk, quietly conversing and shooting glances at the new seat added to the desk. Eraqus was smug, having made first contact, walking confidently to his desk and waiting. As the newcomer pulled back the door, Eraqus waved to him, offering, “Hey, Xehanort! You can come sit across from me!”

The others gawked as the white-haired boy came calmly over, setting down his books on the desk. Eraqus went around, introducing the other students, talking animatedly. Bragi grabbed his hand in the air, pulling him down and quipping, “alright, who put you on the welcoming committee?”

Eraqus shrugged, smiled, and put his hands behind his head. “What, you can’t be friendly anymore?” Bragi rolled their eyes and grinned nonetheless.

“I’m excited to get to know you all,” Xehanort admitted. “I hope we will all work well together.”

It was about then the Master entered, introducing Xehanort, beginning their lesson. All seven students already knew that Xehanort and Eraqus were going to be inseparable. True to his word, when classes were complete, Eraqus took Xehanort through town, showing him all of his usual haunts, all the highlights they’d spoken of the night before. Xehanort was surprisingly open minded, giving everything a try, including the novel physics of this world (the light rails were questionable, but he was able to get on with some help from Eraqus). They explored every inch of the town, from the pier and the market to the square, the catacombs, the clock tower, talking the sky tram up to the highest tower where they would one day take their Mark of Mastery exam. To Xehanort, Eraqus was like this world – both were shiny and new, filled to the brim with promise, calling to him in an irresistible way.

Eraqus had always had plenty of friends and he was generally well-liked, but he wasn’t that close with too many people. Xehanort began to realize within those first few days that Eraqus’ status was different from their other classmates: walking through the narrow streets, everyone knew Eraqus by name. Xehanort assumed it was because of Scala’s small population – there were only a few hundred on the island. More hints – like Eraqus’ massive, ornate family home – lead to Xehanort’s suspicions developing further. Eventually, they were confirmed in one of their history lessons, Eraqus himself bragging to the class about his nobility. He was descended from one of the longest keyblade lineages in history, rumored to be directly related to one of the assigned foretellers. Most were in awe of his family; others put him on a pedestal. The combination of the two lead to a limit on his friendship with his peers. However, Xehanort was perfect – he didn’t understand Eraqus’ significance like the others did; to him, Eraqus was just a friend.

It was that way when they were young, at least. The two took to each other incredibly fast – faster than Xehanort would ever have expected. They were fourteen when they met, and from that day on, they were inseparable. Eraqus’ days were brightened, and Xehanort took to the classes easily. Things were easy – countless afternoons playing chess in the study, working on their assignments in the field together on breezy afternoons. Eraqus provided a stable base for Xehanort to reach his full potential, crafting himself his own niche in Scala ad Caelum. It was like they’d known each other forever.

Like Eraqus, there were some things Xehanort would never forget. Eraqus had never been one to try to hold back anything he was feeling, not since the day they’d met, disobeying his Master and his father to find Xehanort again. Eraqus had always been hands-on (it wasn’t something he was ashamed to admit), but the first day Eraqus had truly embraced him stuck out in Xehanort’s memory.

It was when they were 15, after they’d begun to have assignments in the outer worlds. They were fighting a hoard of heartless, more and more coming, enough to cause their party of three to get separated. Thankfully, they were only unmanageable in size, so Xehanort had been able to take them out fairly easily. However, he wasn’t so sure about his teammates. He ripped through the jungle, looking for them with determination, rounding a tree and almost running head on into a similarly paced Eraqus. The dark haired boy paused for a second and then embraced Xehanort,  _ hard _ , his own surprise washing over Xehanort as they collided together. Eraqus’ arms were wrapped right around his chest, nearly squeezing the air out of him. (It still felt… nice. He didn’t want him to stop). When Eraqus released him, he was still panting, eyes wet. “I’m so glad you’re okay!” And just like that, he was smiling again and Xehanort was feeling so warm.

It was about then that Bragi stumbled into the clearing, equally out of breath but also unharmed. They noticed right away how close Xehanort and Eraqus were standing and rolled their eyes, joking, “thanks for coming to find me, guys.”

“We better try a lot harder not to get separated,” Xehanort berated both of them. “That could have gone much worse.” His heart was still hammering, but probably not from the battle.

Eraqus tried his best to use his influence to make sure he and Xehanort always got to go on their missions together. Xehanort never minded – he learned quickly that Eraqus often put himself into situations he couldn’t easily get out of, but Xehanort never minded saving him. They were a great duo, able to tackle anything that was thrown at them. An unfortunate consequence of this meant that Xehanort never really got the chance to know their other classmates. They never warmed up to him in the same way Eraqus did.

All the time together in class never discouraged them from spending their free time together as well. Many evenings were spent in the classroom playing chess, but as they gained more independence, they found other ways to fill their time. The first time Eraqus had taken Xehanort’s hand, they were in the busy market in Scala, both fifteen, gathering an assortment of baked goods and savoury treats and taking them to the Pier. Eraqus loved these days – just he and Xeh – and he tried his best to make as many of them as he could.

By sixteen, they could travel to other worlds as they saw fit. When it was only the two of them in a vast field, they felt closer than ever before. They would slack off from their mission, laying on their backs, awfully close together, gazing at blue skies with light clouds. Their ribs nearly touched, the backs of their hands brushing at their sides. Sometimes, one of Eraqus’ legs would be bent over one of Xeh’s, so effortless and easy. Sometimes, he would take the other boy’s hand, just because it felt good.

Xehanort admired Eraqus’ confidence; he wished he could do anything he wanted. Every advance was welcomed, but he never had the strength to push forward himself. Becoming friends had been easy, but these things were different (not that he’d ever outright admit it). It was becoming more and more obvious that their relationship was changing. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also just as an fyi this is mostly set after the majority of most of KHDR? Like I assume that Eraqus & Xehanort are ~15ish in the first few chapters of the game so this story is beyond that. Lol. Creative liberties, am I right??

Much of Eraqus’ and Xehanort’s relationship was nothing new; since the first day they’d met, they’d been awfully close with one another, and everyone knew how much time they spent together. Things were reaching a breaking point now, though, as the teens matured and romance began to enter their minds. There was an afternoon in the classroom that finally made them face it – a thirty minute snack break while Master Odin had to grab some more parchments. The fall ball, a formal dance for the students of Scala, was coming up later in the week and Hermod was handing out their tickets.

“So, are you going to ask Xehanort to go with you?” Bragi teased.

“What?” Eraqus smiled with confusion, a light blush on his cheeks. “Do you mean, like…?”

“It’s going to be  _ so _ romantic,” they continued, batting their eyelashes.

Eraqus shook his head, catching on and rolling his eyes. “Guys, come on. We’re just friends.”

“Friends don’t look at friends that way,” Urd noted, casually turning a page in her book.

Eraqus was left speechless, unable to dispute that, eyes wide and breath fast. “I – _guys_. It’s not—”

“Don’t bother denying it,” Bragi put their hands back behind their head. “I’ve known since the moment he walked in.”

“I think it’s  _ so cute, _ ” Hermod was laughing. “Of _ course,  _ Eraqus,  _ you  _ would–”

He was cut off as Xehanort slapped his hand onto his shoulder from behind, wrenching him back. “You don’t want to finish that sentence.”

Hermod bristled, shoving Xehanort’s hand off and jumping to his feet. “Don’t touch me.”

“Xeh, drop it,” Eraqus stood, stumbling over, trying to step between them. “It’s not a big deal—”

“Don’t speak to him like that,” Xehanort scowled, eyes locked on Hermod, past Eraqus.

“You’re just proving our point,” Bragi muttered rolling their eyes.

That was all Xehanort could take. He lunged for them across the desk, grabbing the hood of their robe. Eraqus grabbed Xehanort, trying to pull him off as. Of course, the Master returned at that moment, catching them all in the act and ordering them all to cease this nonsense and return to their seats. Xehanort was red with rage and all Eraqus could do was look back at him sadly.

As soon as class was out, Xehanort stormed out with his books under his arm. Eraqus chased after him, leaving their classmates to mutter to themselves. “Hey—” Eraqus struggled to catch up. “Hey, you didn’t have to do that—”

Xehanort stopped and spun around to face him. “What was I supposed to do? Just watch them bully you—”

“They’re just joking,” Eraqus insisted, interrupting. “It’s not a big deal. Don’t let it bother you.”

“I just…” Xehanort glowered, pausing and exhaling heavily. “I don’t want them teasing you. Or me.” Eraqus was realizing what he was getting at as his conviction started to falter. “I’m not like the others. I still feel like… it feels like I’m a joke to them.” 

Eraqus’ expression grew gentler. “Xeh… you’ve been here for almost two years. It feels longer – you might as well have been here forever!”

“It doesn’t feel that way to me,” Xehanort spoke softly, looking down. “I’m still… trying to find my place and getting teased by them isn’t helping.”

“Come on, you know your place,” Eraqus took Xehanort’s hand. “You’ve got me. We’re doing this together.”

Hesitation was clear on Xehanort’ face and he stepped aside, bringing Eraqus hallway behind one of the columns in the hall by a hand on his arm. “… they’re right, you know.” His grip was firm on Eraqus’ shoulder. “Some of the things we do… I don’t know if that’s ‘just friends’…”

Eraqus’ confidence didn’t waver. “No one decides what we are except us. We can do whatever we want.”

Xehanort shifted. “I just… don’t want to give them stuff to talk about…”

“Hey,” Eraqus squeezed Xehanort’s hand. “It doesn’t matter. They don’t bother me and you shouldn’t let them bother you. All they need to know is that you’re my best friend in the world and I want to spend every minute with you.”

Eraqus was unbelievably reassuring (it was in his nature), so Xehanort couldn’t resist being reeled back in by him. He couldn’t deny how good it felt to be around Eraqus and wanted so badly to believe everything he said. But it wasn’t that easy for everyone. Eraqus’ life to this point had been easy, allowing his confidence to develop to this level. It was inconceivable to Xehanort that he could truly not be bothered by the teasing of his peers. Although they were all on okay terms, but Xehanort had never really been integrated into the group. They were always on alright terms, but the older they got, the more he still felt like an obvious outsider. 

Although Eraqus’ advice would’ve probably been warranted to follow, Xehanort couldn’t help but think about the things he’d overheard. Part of him wished that things could be easy, that he and Eraqus could both be together and comfortable, but things were complicated in Scala and everything came with a thousand strings attached. 

Xehanort wished it could just be the two of them in the world, alone and able to do whatever and be whoever they wanted without judgement. After the classroom confrontation, things seemed awkward and Xehanort felt too watched for his liking.

It didn’t stop Eraqus. On the night of the fall ball, he showed up at Xehanort’s dorm, dressed in his black tie robes (a little too big for him, but stunning nonetheless), ready to escort his friend to the formal. His hair was combed back into a neat low bun, bangs framing his face. His blouse was crisp and white, black silk tie secured in an ornate knot, long silk robes flapping around him. Xehanort’s ensemble was nice, but not of comparable quality to that of his friend. He tried not to be self conscious about these kinds of things, but it was getting more difficult the older he got. Xehanort wished he could live with no pretenses, but no matter how hard he tried to be comfortable, there was a seed of doubt in his heart casting weariness into his body as Eraqus linked their arms and walked them to the great hall.

The ball was held in a large hall in the highest tower, the massive stained-glass window barely casting in ambient light. Eraqus and Xehanort rode the tram up from the classroom, watching people mill around the balcony, waiting for their friends to go in with them. They entered together, finding the hall comfortably dark, only lit by the large candelabras suspended from the ceiling. Xehanort had always been a bit shy, definitely the cooler out of the two, but within a couple songs, they were both out on the dance floor. It was busy enough to give them a bit of anonymity, even with Eraqus’ reputation. This was all that Eraqus wanted – for Xehanort to be relaxed and focused only on him. Being around him made Eraqus’ heart so light, it warmed his whole body. Their classmates were around, but everyone was minding their own business. Xehanort’s outbursts weren’t unusual; no grudges would be held.

Hours later, Xehanort was getting tired, taking a breather on the balcony, looking down at the town below them. Vor was lingering fairly close by, almost completely swallowed in her ballgown. Eraqus was still dancing enthusiastically and Xehanort couldn’t help but feel fond as he half-watched his friend. Eraqus made things feel so effortless.

As the song picked up, he noticed Xehanort’s eyes on him and gestured for him to rejoin him on the dancefloor. Xehanort shook his head and mimed a stretch. Eraqus laughed and came over anyway, grabbing his hands and pulling him back, spinning them both as he dragged Xehanort onto the dancefloor. Everyone in the crowd was moving quickly, making it easy for Xehanort to get caught up in the energy. It was one of those traditional group dances (thankfully one Xehanort had learned before), everyone in the crowd circling around, swapping partners, all eyes on Eraqus as his pearly robes swung as he spun. Both were passed around, starry eyed younger students enthralled to take Eraqus’ hand. As the tempo sped up and the lines rearranged, Xehanort and Eraqus collided, paired up again.

The song slowed and transitioned into something more gentle and sensual. Xehanort started to release his hand but Eraqus held on tight. The flash of fear in Xehanort’s eye was met only with the calm steadiness of Eraqus’. “Hey, it’s alright,” he assured his friend. “Please, dance with me.”

Xehanort hesitated but he couldn’t say no to Eraqus. He swallowed and nodded his head, letting Eraqus take his hand and rest it on his hip. The song was dramatic as Eraqus led the way, moving them slowly together, turning them and directing them around the floor. As the chords swelled, Eraqus was leaning in, placing his head on Xehanort’s shoulder, so desperate to be close to him. “It’s alright,” he affirmed again, “they’re not around. No one will know.” His thumb rolled over Xehanort’s fingers in his clasped hand. “I don’t want to stop, this feels so good.”

Xehanort couldn’t deny that he liked the feeling of Eraqus: the softness of his hair on his cheek, his vaguely sweet smell, the warmth emanating from his heart. He wished they could be alone, dancing in his room, or on the pier, or in a world all to themselves. He wished he could advance their relationship without the fear of regret hanging over his head.

Eraqus didn’t seem to care, remaining so close despite the dozens around them. As the song ended, he squeezed Xehanort extra tight and turned his head halfway, pressing his face into Xehanort's neck as they embraced. They only lingered there for a moment before he pulled back, blushing just a bit and brushing his bangs back behind his ear. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

Xehanort, a little flustered, bowed a bit and gave a tiny baffled smile. In that moment, he felt so good. He wished it could always be like this.

But, of course, the moment passed. “Hey, Eraqus, would you like to dance with  _ me?”  _ Urd was suddenly beside them, her request tainted with just a hint of sarcasm.

It went right over Eraqus’ head when he smiled and extended a hand to her, offering, “sure.”

Xehanort must’ve had a look in his eye when he returned to the edge of the hall, sitting on the benches. Hermod sidled up beside him, leaving them in silence for a moment before either found the strength to speak. “I’m not against it,” Hermod finally said. “I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. I think you two would be great together.”

Xehanort gave him an exhausted look. “There is no ‘us two’.”

“Yeah, yeah, but you know what I mean,” he was smirking a bit.

Xehanort’s brow furrowed more. “Who put you up to this? The Master? It better not have been Eraqus.”

Hermod hesitated, exhaled, then said, “no one, I swear. I just want to make sure we’re all straight – we all have to watch out for each other.”

Xehanort was nonplussed. “Great. That would be a lot easier if you all minded your own business.” Hermod didn’t want to instigate any more, so a tense silence stretched between them as they watched Urd and Eraqus spin on the dance floor.

Of course, Hermod felt the need to speak again. “I just think it’s nice that you both find so much time to spend together. Urd and I have been studying so much and these tests just get harder and harder… but I guess different people have different priorities.”

Xehanort’s gaze hardened. “You know how hard I’ve worked for this. I’ve had to work harder than any of you to catch up, to convince the Master that I’m worth the investment. I’m taking this extremely seriously and I can assure you that my priorities are in line.”

Hermod shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter what I think. As long as you’re sure the Master sees it that way, he’s the only one that can determine your Mastery status.”

Xehanort knew he was right – his outbursts defending Eraqus had not been the most professional. He couldn’t afford to make any mistakes and he was trying to be cognizant of that fact. It was hard being consumed by so many feelings, but he had to be smart. Yes, he valued Eraqus, but he wasn't ready to sacrifice everything for him. 


	3. Chapter 3

All of Xehanort’s intentions to focus on his studies were hard to fulfill when he couldn’t say no to Eraqus. The night before one of their theory tests, Xehanort was shaken away from his desk by rocks hitting his window in the tower. He set aside his book, looking down to find Eraqus on the street in his sleeping clothes. He cracked the window, whispering down, “what are you doing? It’s three in the morning.”

“Wanna sneak out and watch the stars on the pier?” Eraqus whispered back.

Xehanort should have hesitated, should’ve said no, but of course he found himself climbing down the outside of the tower, taking Eraqus’ open hand and tiptoeing with him through the deserted streets. It was thrilling and he felt more alive than ever, letting Eraqus take the lead. Eraqus was very good at living his life to the fullest, laying his blanket on the cobblestone and lying back with Xehanort, cuddling together to keep warm. The sea air was crisp and cool and the sky was perfectly clear. The two talked of the worlds out there that they’d seen, where they would go back to, what their future held. It felt so nice to be able to delve that deep with someone else, to bare your soul.

As a star shot across the sky, Eraqus’ hand found Xehanort’s in the blanket. Xehanort propped himself up slowly and faced him, their eyes meeting for a tense second, both unsure what was coming. Slowly, Eraqus began to lean in, Xehanort rising to meet him, both connecting, both kissing their best friend for the first time.

Man, did it feel good. So much tension had been building for years, and just like that, it had finally happened. They didn’t talk much after, just stayed close to each other. As Eraqus started to doze off on Xehanort’s shoulder, he got the both of them up and walked Eraqus home, almost brave enough to steal another kiss but unable to find the nerve. He crawled back up the tower, into his own bed, still smelling of Eraqus. His books abandoned on the desk, he couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. So many unfamiliar feelings tossed around in his heart, keeping him up until the sky was light. When he finally woke, his alarm was already going off and he had to sprint to the test, sleep still in his eyes. Making it to the classroom was hard enough, but seeing Eraqus – meeting his soft gaze and earning that calm smile – set Xehanort all aflutter again, a blushing, bumbling mess.

He failed the test. With his lowest mark ever.

When the results came back, the shame he felt was so much worse than Eraqus’ thrill. His friend tried to assure him that it was a fluke, apologizing profusely for keeping him out too late, but Xehanort was terrified. He wasn’t doing this because his parents wanted him to, he was doing this because he had a higher calling and he knew it. He couldn’t screw this up.

That was the first scare the first time Xehanort considered that maybe Eraqus was bad for him. After that, things just kept getting worse and worse for him. Maybe all it took was one mistake to shake his confidence, but things quickly started to slip. Their Mark of Mastery exam was coming up in a few short years, so the students were given more and more freedom. Being stronger, they were occasionally allowed to complete missions alone in the worlds. These types of missions were so few and far between that the students were always nervous when they were assigned. Xehanort tried not to let his fear affect him, but he couldn’t deny the unease growing in his chest.

The morning before one such mission, Xehanort was on the port in his armour, about to depart. He was stopped by a voice behind him. “Xeh! Wait!” He turned halfway to find Eraqus hustling toward him, wrapping him tightly in a sudden hug. “Hey, I just wanted to say good luck and, uh, be safe.”

Xehanort returned the hug somewhat weakly. “Yeah, I mean… I plan to.”

Eraqus’ eyes were sad for a second. “I-I know, it just doesn’t hurt to say it.” He patted Xehanort’s armoured arm. “Okay. See you later?”

“Yeah,” Xehanort deadpanned.

Eraqus came in for another quick hug. He pulled back, brushing his bangs back behind his ear. “Sorry, I’ve just got a weird feeling.”

Xehanort shook his head, trying his best to be annoyed but still slightly amused. “You worry too much.”

Eraqus grinned. “I  _ like  _ worrying about you, dummy.” For half a second, his expression softened to something a little more gentle, but his playfulness took over again. “Well, get on with it.”

Xehanort was smiling a bit under his mask. He wasn’t used to people caring about him, but Eraqus could’ve had a little more faith in him. He hopped on his glider and departed, his destination a jungle world, sparsely populated but densely overgrown. One of the scouts had left behind an artifact last week and Xehanort was the right guy to pick it up. The Master seemed to think that giving the students these opportunities to work alone would offer them some insight into their own true nature. Xehanort was determined to be successful.

He dropped into the world in a clearing, tall cliffs around him with dangling vines clinging desperately to the rock, the air hot, humid, and still. He tried not to let his nerves get to him as he took off his armour. The task was straightforward; this would be easy.

It wasn’t long until he encountered some heartless, but that wasn’t surprising. They were a bit stronger than he would have preferred, but nothing he wasn’t able to overcome. He hacked his way through the spindly trees until he came to an area of open grasslands – this was likely where the artifact would be. He parted the long fronds with his training key, looking for his object: an old notebook. He targeted an aerora at the stalks, knocking them back and revealing the book resting on the ground. Relieved, he rushed forward and pocketed it. This was surprisingly easy.

As he started to return to the edge of the grasslands, he noticed the air change and drew his blade. Turning, he noticed a large heartless on the other side of the field, watching him with a predatory focus. It was twice his height, a large horn on its snout, black and red emblem on its forehead.

There was time for him to leave the field. He could’ve hopped on his glider and left. But he was curious. He turned all the way, targeting the beast, sizing it up. The experience he’d gain if he beat it would put him well ahead of his classmates. He was fairly rested – if there was ever a time he could take a heartless double his level, it would be a day like today!

Curiously, the heartless ended up making the choice for him. It charged at him, hardly giving him time to put up his guard. It struck him hard enough to make him recoil back, but within a second he was on the offence, knocking back a powerful combo. To his dismay, it did virtually no damage against the enemy’s thick skin. He shook it off and tried not to worry – usually, it would be hard to do damage to an enemy this size without any buffs. He tried again with a barrage of attacks aimed to lower its defense and raise his strength. He dodged the next incoming attack, rolling across the field barely in time, and striking back with another array of impacts. Again, the effect was minimal, and worse, it swiped him out of the air mid-combo and crunched him beneath its paw. The wind was knocked out of him, but he was still able to cast a reflega bubble around him before it stomped down again. His heart was racing but he didn’t want to give up – he knew he could beat this if he was working smarter, not harder. He leapt up and cast a few spells at it, trying to gain a bit of distance. The fire seemed to work, making the first dent in its health. Xehanort braced himself, dodging and attacking, trying to pace himself for what he knew would be a difficult fight.

The panic from the fight combined with his hot determination were manifesting into something else, something just under his skin, growing stronger each time he cast firaga. He felt that he was nearing something unknown, trying his best to bottle his determination and throw himself over that precipice. Was this what it felt like to earn your master key, to finally be better than the training blade they’d been assigned? He was making slow but steady progress on its health. The dry grass around them was starting to ignite, causing more damage on the heartless. He was almost there…

But it charged him again, its fur burning, breaking through his defenses and striking him again. It took a particularly strong reflega to keep its load off him, the weight of its stomp forcing his bubble into the ground. And just like that, his mana was gone.

He tried his best to calculate his chances – his health was getting low, but so was the heartless’. He knew there was a chance he could beat it, so he got to his feet, raising his blade and aiming for its weak spots. It thrashed him around, tossing him to the ground. His robes were burning in the fire but it was just powering his determination even more. He’d gone this far, why not further?

His mana would refill and he’d heal but be back to critically low health within seconds. He was out of potions, elixirs, ethers. He was recalculating but the smoke in his lungs was making it hard to think. Was it time to retreat? He was doubled over coughing, stumbling and trying to push back. He was blocking its attacks, but it was strong enough to break his guard. Second chance only lasted so long. He was so breathless, eyes burning from the smoke. Was he going to make it to the edge of the ring? He was crawling forwards, hands burning like they never had before. He could hear the heartless behind him pawing the ground, preparing to rush him again. He wouldn’t have time to heal. He closed his eyes, savouring the rage, ready to take whatever would come next.

As the heartless started to charge, the flames before him parted and a reflega bubble was cast around him, the powerful light protecting him from the attack. The heartless recoiled and he was pulled to his feet roughly, then phased out of existence and dropped on the edge of the clearing, outside of the battlefield and beyond the heartless’ radius. Xehanort was on his back coughing, tears streaming down from smoke-filled eyes. Suddenly, Eraqus was over him, face pale and eyes wide with concern.

“Why didn’t you run?” Eraqus’ voice was shaky, tense, a bit stifled in his throat.

“I almost had him!” Xehanort rasped, breathless. “Why didn’t you finish him off?”

Eraqus’ tone was short. “Sorry, I was kind of busy saving your life.”

“I would’ve been fine—“ Xehanort fell into another coughing fit and Eraqus helped him sit up, handing him an elixir which he gladly drank.

“Really? Because it didn’t look that way when I showed up.” Xehanort didn’t like the unfamiliar seriousness in Eraqus’ voice.

Finally starting to be able to breathe again, Xehanort looked his friend up and down. “Why  _ were  _ you here?” A silence stretched between them. “Were you following me?”

Eraqus’ hands were balled into fists in his lap where he knelt. “I told you I had a bad feeling. I just wanted to trust my foresight.”

Xehanort was still annoyed. “I’d appreciate a little faith.”

Eraqus shook his head in disbelief, almost tearing up a bit from the adrenaline. “Xeh, I did it because I was worried about you. I disobeyed direct orders coming here but I couldn’t stop myself because I—” he was getting choked up, “I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you. I-I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I can’t live with the thought of you never coming home without knowing that… that I…” Xehanort’s frustration had washed away when Eraqus bore his heart on his sleeve.

Their eyes met and Xehanort’s voice was so quiet. “Without knowing what…?”

“That I love you,” Eraqus cried, taking Xehanort’s hand, “so I’m not gonna let you throw your life away for some stupid heartless and f-fucking thirty thousand BP… because that would really fuck things up for me…”

All of Xehanort’s frustration and determination cleared like a cloudbreak at those words. Eraqus was sobbing like a baby and he now felt bad, blaming him for saving him from his own mistakes. He was shaking his head now, reaching for Eraqus’ face and speaking with a lump in his throat. “Please don’t cry…” His hands found Eraqus’ cheeks and swiped the tears away, trembling with emotion.

Eraqus laughed despite it all. “Sorry, you just scared me…”

Xehanort scooted closer, embracing him and stroking his hair. His breaths were so shaky, eyes watering, holding a trembling Eraqus. “I-I’m sorry,” he managed to get out.

Eraqus pulled back, smiling through the tears. “It doesn’t matter – I’m gonna take care of you whether you like it or not.”

A few tears began to spill out of Xehanort’s eyes and he leaned in, kissing his best friend for the second time ever, so unfamiliar with being cared for but so desperate for it at the same time. He held Eraqus’ face there and didn’t let go, kissing him gently, then deeply, kissing away his fears, kissing him in thanks, kissing him because his own heart wouldn’t stop racing.

Eraqus pulled him closer, giving everything he had. He was so relieved to see this side of his dearest friend, to know his feelings weren’t unrequited. They sat there, smokey and teary, kissing until they came back down and then just holding each other. Eraqus had been afraid – it felt like Xeh was drawing back – but just like that, they were together again, and god, it was a relief.

Xehanort, on the other hand, was left terrified again, both at his own horrible judgement and Eraqus’ confession. Those three words were heavy and he wanted to say them back, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

When they finally stood, Eraqus’ seriousness had returned, the giddiness wearing off. “You said it yourself – I won’t always be there for you.” His lip was wavering. “I need you to promise me that if anything like this happens again, you run, okay?” Xehanort opened his mouth to protest but Eraqus cut in, “It has nothing to do with how powerful a wielder you are. No one could’ve beat that thing alone. I just…” he was at a loss for words. “Some things are more important than your reputation.”

Xehanort’s hand cradled Eraqus’ head. “I guess I can stand to learn a bit from you.”

Eraqus leaned into the touch and grinned a bit. “Obviously. Let’s get you home.”

Xehanort wasn’t ready to go home. He wanted to stay here where he could love Eraqus so easily. But, his friend was already helping him to his feet, looping his arm around his shoulder. “And for the record,” Eraqus glanced at him, “I’m impressed you got it down that far. You’ll have to show me some of your moves.”

Ah, yes, this rising power inside him. Obviously, it wasn’t his master key calling, but Xehanort was still hoping in the back of his mind it would be soon. He was starting to realize his full potential, trying to figure out how to unlock the strongest parts of himself. It left him feeling parched, joints aching, hands burned.

Of course, when they returned to the Scala pier, Xehanort was starting to wish Eraqus hadn’t saved him. Without love to justify it (and let’s be honest, who were they going to tell that to?), Eraqus just appeared to be the better student again, and the last thing his ego needed was a hero complex. Eraqus felt his partner stiffen as they reached their home world again, leaning less on him for support and standing up straighter. It made his heart hurt a bit to have his tender intentions shut down but he knew Xehanort was proud and that wasn’t something he could change.

Of course, their Master found out about Xehanort’s rampage and chewed him out for his foolish misjudgements. However, the task had been completed, so there were no real consequences he could be faced with. All it did was fire Xehanort’s need to prove their Master wrong again.


	4. Chapter 4

The older he got, the more Xehanort noticed the flaws in Scala’s culture. What had seemed so perfect in his youth was really just shiny and new; things were programmed for some to succeed and others to fail. He reached the breaking point some time before his 17 th birthday with a particularly testing assignment from their Master.

“I want you all to bring a powerful Keyblade artifact from your family,” Master Odin instructed them. “The theme of this week is heritage.”

Xehanort had visibly stiffened, eyebrows dropping, but refusing to make a scene. He’d been on the Master’s bad side too often lately and the last thing he needed was something else for his classmates to be on his back about. However, he didn’t have to instigate today since his  _ best friend  _ decided to step in.

“Master… isn’t that kind of unfair to Xehanort?” Eraqus innocently asked.

“Yeah… he didn’t grow up here; his family isn’t around here,” Urd noted.

“Drawing power from an object is a fundamental skill every Keyblade Master needs,” the Master instructed. “I don’t want to hear excuses.”

“But it’s not—” Eraqus was starting again but Xehanort stopped him with a warning hand on his arm. He was hot with rage, uncomfortably aware of their classmates’ gazes on them.

Master Odin watched their eyes meet, and eventually moved on. “I look forward to seeing what each of you find. If anyone has any concerns,” he was looking directly at Xehanort, “you may come talk to me.”

“Yes, Master,” Xehanort dipped his head. He was embarrassed, feeling isolated and called out. The lesson ended and the others filed out, muttering between them as always. Eraqus was realizing he’d screwed up, a light blush on his cheeks. Xehanort stalked out, hands balled into fists at his side.

Eraqus chased after him, trying to be sympathetic. “This is so messed up,” he joked. “Like, could he have given a worse assignment for you?”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Xehanort was walking fast. “You’re just giving them something to rub in.”

“I know,” Eraqus was bashful. “I just… it wasn’t fair, and I–” 

Xehanort stopped suddenly, turning to meet his gaze. “Of course it’s not fair! Nothing since I arrived here was fair! I started ten steps back from all of you and no matter what I do to catch up, he will never see me as your equal! I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m—” he was frustrated, out of breath, eyes darting around the halls. He knew everyone was always watching – that’s how it was in Scala. He shook his head, repressing his outburst down into a cold little ball in his core. “It doesn’t matter. I want to be alone.”

Eraqus was painfully empathetic and desperately wanted to stop his friend’s pain. Despite his better judgement, he forced a wavering smile and managed, “O-okay.” He was trying his best to trust Xehanort. “I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

Xehanort stalked off, still bristling. His mind was made up; today had been the final nail in the coffin. This was something he’d been considering for a long time. In his room, he hastily packed what few possessions he had. He was focused, trying not to overthink. However, he paused when he reached his windowsill, the last afternoon light catching his chess piece – one of Eraqus’, actually, that he’d pocketed during one of their games and forgotten about until the end of the day. Its smooth ivory glistened and he hesitated. Eraqus was the one person who accepted him without question, despite being the ideal product of this society.

Maybe Xehanort did owe him a second thought.

He tossed the piece onto the top of his satchel, clearing the rest of his belongings from the boarding room. Eraqus’ memory encouraged him to reconsider, and instead of beelining to the pier, he left the dorm and walked downtown, past the market, to the cisterns. He’d only been here a time or two (once on Eraqus’ initial tour of the town) but it was the most private place he could think of. He sat by the water’s edge, contemplating his decision.

“What are you doing here?”

The voice echoed down from the entrance, barely giving Xehanort the chance to turn around before Eraqus had hopped down, a worried look on his face.

“I said I wanted to be alone,” Xehanort half-heartedly dismissed.

Eraqus sat beside him on the ledge, not looking him in the eye and instead knotting his fingers in his lap. “You don’t have to pull that here,” Eraqus softly said. “No one’s around. I… I’m worried and I want to know what’s going on.”

Xehanort was frustrated from class but he didn’t want to take it out on Eraqus. He shook his head, still staring straight ahead. When he spoke, he sounded defeated: “This isn’t the kind of thing you can fix.”

Eraqus sat there and thought for a second. As the silence stretched toward awkwardness, he offered, “I can give you one of my dad’s rings, if you want.”

“This isn’t about the assignment,” Xehanort snapped. “Everything here is so hard – you, a-and the others – you all just do whatever you want. But it’s not the same, I don’t belong here.” He was breathing heavily. “I would’ve been able to defeat that heartless if I hadn’t been stuck with my training key. You and all our classmates, you’re going to get your Master Keys passed down from your parents and I’m gonna have  _ nothing _ . I need to get out there and earn my Master Key. At this point, I’m better off teaching myself than staying here.”

Eraqus’ eyes were locked on him now, worried confusion glistening on their dark surface. “What are you…”

“I’m leaving,” Xehanort had decided, “tonight. The keyblade called to me – I can master it on my own. I don’t need this formal training.”

Eraqus was shaking his head just barely. “What? You c… you can’t leave! The outside worlds aren’t safe, especially not by yourself!”

Xehanort met his gaze finally, eyes wide and intense. “That’s what they want you to think. The worlds we’ve gone to are such a small sample – the universe is so vast and complex and I can’t stay here any longer.”

Eraqus’ worry was boiling over. They had never disagreed before, not about anything like this. “This is not good, Xeh, I don’t like where this is going…”

“I have to go,” Xehanort insisted.

“I-I don’t want…” Eraqus stuttered, looking for the right thing to say, “ _Please_ don't leave . After everything we’ve been through?”

His concern made Xehanort hesitate, pulling at his heart. “… I don’t want this to hurt you.”

“Then stay!” Eraqus leapt to his feet. His eyes were glistening. “I’m not letting you throw this all away. You could die out there and there’s no way I could be there for you—”

“I don’t need you to save me,” Xehanort stood slowly, determined. “I’m stronger now. I’ll be fine. I need to do this to become a Master.”

“No you don’t,” Eraqus stood his ground between Xehanort and the ladder out. “Forget everything with the Master and classes – doesn’t  _ this  _ mean anything to you?” he gestured between them.

That sentiment made Xehanort’s heart thud extra loud. He stood tall. “If you really feel that way, then come with me.” Eraqus faltered, a tear just running down one cheek. Xehanort shook his head, “See, you can’t ask me to choose you over the keyblade.”

“Then stay here and have both,” Eraqus was crying outright now, widening his stance. “I’m not letting you leave.” Starlight flashed into his hands.

Xehanort was surprised and conflicted that his friend felt this way. He shouldered off his bag and drew his blade. “You can’t change my mind,” he decided.

“Then I have to stop you,” Eraqus cried.

Their blades clashed together fiercely, a different kind of charge than their training exercises. Xehanort had fully convinced himself that leaving Scala was the right thing to do, so as hard as it was to turn his blade against Eraqus, he had no choice. He knew Eraqus was the stronger of the two – there was no real chance he would do any damage. Still, his heart felt strange, facing off against his dearest friend.

Eraqus’ emotions made his technique falter, letting his guard down more often, leaving more openings for Xehanort. After a technical combo from Xehanort, Eraqus was blasted back, tumbling to the ground. He was still crying, his blade clattering and disappearing. It was clear he wouldn’t be able to beat Xehanort, so he resorted to begging. He sobbed, “please, don’t go,” lying on the damp ground, scuffed and bruised.

In a moment of weakness, Xehanort vanished his blade and offered his friend a hand, helping him slowly to his feet and gingerly taking him into a lukewarm embrace. “I’m… sorry,” he whispered into Eraqus’ hair, cradling his face to his neck. “I wish this didn’t have to hurt you.”

Eraqus was shaking like a leaf in his grasp, unable to speak. Xehanort knew if he lingered too long, he might say something that would make it even harder to leave. Wordlessly, he healed them both, back on the same side again. He stroked Eraqus’ hair for a moment, revelling in the feeling of their hearts to close together.

And suddenly, he withdrew, donning his armour and taking off on his keyblade, leaving a heartbroken Eraqus in the cistern.

Leaving Scala was as exciting as arriving. For the first time in years, Xehanort was doing something in his own interest. He couldn’t let others’ expectations sway his course.

Back home, Eraqus couldn’t grasp that concept. He stayed in the cistern for a while after Xehanort left, trying to think of what he could’ve said differently to make him stay. As the night fell and the cool air settled, Eraqus climbed back to his home, in a daze, up through the window, still a teary mess. It took him a long time to fall asleep, kept awake by endless thoughts, trying to figure out what was the right thing to do. It didn’t make sense – why would Xehanort leave him? When he eventually did doze off, he was plagued by dreams of Xehanort in trouble, crushed into the ground just like he had been the last time Eraqus had come to the rescue. He also dreamt of worse things, things he would never admit to anyone: Xehanort  _ causing  _ the trouble, casting spells Eraqus had never seen before, his grey eyes replaced by a much less natural hue.

Getting up, Eraqus almost couldn’t believe last night hadn’t been real. He left for class early, swinging by the dorm. Xehanort’s door was cracked and as he pushed the door back, the room was ransacked. It made it seem real – Xehanort was really gone. His heart ached.

He went to class feeling hollow, unable to hide this hurt a smile. The other classmates didn’t notice right away, but the empty seat at the front of the table was becoming painfully obvious. The Master walked in with two peers, their faces serious. Everyone quickly took their seats, eager to see what was happening.

“Students, we have some upsetting news,” Master Odin started. “Last night, Xehanort left Scala ad Caelum.” A murmur rippled across the desk. “We are not sure what his motives are or if he plans to return.”

Hermod leapt to his feet. “It’s not safe for him to be out there by himself,” he insisted. “We should send out a search party—”

The Master raised a hand, silencing him. “He is free to leave if he chooses, as are any of you. We just need some indication that he left willingly.” A contemplative silence fell over the cohort.

Urd was clever. After a moment, she offered: “He wouldn’t have left without saying something to Eraqus.”

The class’ eyes shifted to Eraqus who was sheepishly looking down. “… Yeah. I talked to him.”

“Huh?” Bragi slapped their hands onto the table. “Then why did you let him leave?”

“I tried to stop him—” Eraqus’ voice was uncharacteristically tense. “I did everything I could but he was too strong. He was saying that he feels like he can’t learn anything else here. I think he’s confused and frustrated.”

“Then we should go after him!” Hermod insisted.

The Master raised his hand again, leaning in. “Eraqus… what do you think we should do?”

Part of Eraqus knew he should give Xehanort his freedom, but his young and selfish mind and his own personal goals rang through. “We need to bring him back,” he insisted. “He doesn’t know what he’s getting into out there.”

The Master nodded. “I do agree that he is still too young to be off on his own. The power he has developed is not enough to face all of what is out there. We will split into parties of three and start with the worlds he’s been to before.”

“I—” Eraqus cut in, then lowered his voice. “I want to go on my own. Maybe if I’m alone, he’ll come to me.”

“Eraqus, no, you’d be putting yourself in just as much danger—” Hermod tried to protest.

“I’ll flee if anything goes wrong,” the black haired boy met his Master’s eyes. “I just… I feel like this is the way it needs to be.”

The Master considered it for a moment, then dipped his head. “Alright, Eraqus. I trust your judgement. Urd and Hermod, you’ll come with me. Bragi and Vor, you will go with Master Galen. May your heart be your guiding key.”

One team set off on to the Destiny Islands, but Eraqus knew Xehanort wouldn’t return home yet. He had an inkling Xehanort had been travelling to new, unauthorized worlds already in his free times, ones Eraqus didn’t even know about. He tried his best to recall any world in particular that Xehanort had seemed impartial to.

The first world they’d been to – Agrabah – Eraqus would never forget the way Xehanort’s eyes had lit up. He was always like that: on the heels of a new discovery, so ready to find something new. When they had first arrived, nearly two years ago, the world was beginning its restoration. Eraqus had only been back a few times since, but the world seemed fairly safe: more people, fewer heartless. There was something about it drawing him back. He packed his things hastily in his room, slipping on his armour gauntlet.

As he turned to rush out the door, Vor was there, stopping him. He jerked back in surprise. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I just wanted to wish you luck.”

Eraqus was distracted, uneasy, shifting from foot to foot. “Thanks, Vor, I really gotta—”

“Hey,” she placed her hands on his arm. “Xeh will come back. I can feel it.” Her hand shifted from Eraqus’ arm to his heart, a warmth and reassurance filling him. His eyes widened but her gaze was comforting. He knew Vor was particularly gifted in foresight, so relief washed over him as her light filled his heart, her feeling that Xehanort was calm, in control.

She pulled back and the feeling faded. “Trace the connection. You will find him.”

Eraqus wrapped her in a sudden hug. “Thank you,” he whispered, “be safe.”

She grasped him back. “You, too.”

From the pier, the students reconvened, their Master assigning their groups with their destinations. Eraqus’ heart was jittery in his chest as he struck the switch on his arm and hopped on his keyblade. Not knowing was making him unbelievably anxious. He needed to find Xeh.


	5. Chapter 5

It didn’t take Eraqus long to arrive in Agrabah, dropping in at the edge of the city. It felt strange to see things so normal: commoners shopping in the market, the streets full in a world that had been abandoned upon his last visit. The strong intuition that had drawn him here dried up, leaving him somewhat confused and aimless. Trying not to let worry get the best of him, he steadied himself, picked a direction, and set off.

The town was busy, but Eraqus tried his best to be thorough – checking every storefront, every alleyway. Xehanort would need supplies if he really planned to be self-sufficient, and here would be as good a place as any to stock up. He spent almost the whole day in the market, trying not to let his weariness get the best of him. When the sun started to dip and the sky got red, the market began to quiet and Eraqus was left considering what he should do overnight. At the edge of town, he sat on the cobblestone, sun in his eyes. No signal meant Xehanort had not yet been found. Eraqus was torn, doubting his intuition. He was trying to tune into Xehanort’s heart but couldn’t pick it up. He decided to spend the night, setting up his tent in a sheltered street and trying to get some sleep.

The next morning was hotter than the last: Eraqus had to take off his heavy overcoat, squinting out into the desert in his black tank, pants billowing in the wind. His sleep had been uneasy, dreamless, but something in the dunes was calling to him. He packed away his things and set off, praying that Xehanort was okay.

The desert was far less forgiving than the city – without the buildings to shelter him from the wind, Eraqus was constantly being hit at an almost blistering speed. It felt as if the desert stretched on forever – the more he walked, the less he seemed to get anywhere. Eventually, once he was far enough from the city, he hopped on his keyblade glider, trying to cover more ground – trying to find whatever was calling out to him.

The keyblade drew the few heartless left in the world to him. Thankfully, most of them were on par with his calibre, but there were a few that tested his abilities. His deck and shortcuts were still set to what they had been when Xehanort had been in his party – he found himself casting strength boosts with no one to target.

He stopped midday by a boulder, sitting in the shadow and casting water to refill his bottle. As he paused, an enchanted postcard appeared before him. He snatched it from the air, finding it from his Master, reading:  _ ‘I assume you have not found Xehanort yet. You did not return home last night, so you must still be in Agrabah. You should return to regroup and investigate another world.’ _

Eraqus considered it, but his heart was still tugging him out further into the desert. “I’m alright, I just need to explore a bit more,” he wrote back with little hesitation, sending the message and packing it with his things. He didn’t even have the chance to shut his bag before another letter appeared.

_ ‘It was not a suggestion. It was an order. Return home immediately.’  _ Eraqus was not often one to question the Master’s guidance, but he knew this was for the better. He stuffed the postcard into his inventory and set off again. The midday heat beating down on him was almost enough to make him second-guess the verity of an oasis sparkling on the horizon. Willing to risk it, he headed off with determination.

He hadn’t made it far when the sky cracked above him and a keyblade glider dropped down, circling for a moment before they spotted him. He bristled as they flew in front of him, dismounting with purpose. It was Urd, still in her armour but removing her helmet. “Eraqus. What are you doing?”

Eraqus was sweaty, tired. “I’m going to find him, Urd. I know he’s here somewhere, I can feel it.”

“Even so, just come back and tell the Master this,” she stood solid between him and the oasis. “Are you really going to get on the Master’s bad side over this?”

Eraqus stopped, considering it. “I don’t want to waste time. I need to find him, I need to know he’s okay—”

Her amber eyes softened and her tone was gentler when she spoke. “Look, I know you’re worried, and I know Xeh means a lot to you—”

“I’d be doing the same if it was any of you!” Eraqus claimed. “Listen, I need your support on this. Just go back, tell Master Odin—”

“What if Xehanort doesn’t want to be found?” she interrupted softly. “What if this is what’s right for him?”

Eraqus paused. There were assumptions in her statements, things she wouldn’t be saying if it were any of their other classmates. “I know Xehanort is different, but that doesn’t mean he can’t become an equal wielder to us. That’s what this was about – that’s why he felt like this in the first place. I know you would  _ never  _ let Hermod go, and I’m not letting him just up and leave us!”

Urd was a little shocked at Eraqus’ earnestness – he was usually so laid back and positive, it was unusual to see him so emotional. Eraqus continued in her silence: “I need your support on this and so does Xeh. So please,  _ please  _ take this seriously!”

After a beat, she dipped her head. “… Alright. I’ll talk to the Master.” The relief on Eraqus’ face was comforting to her. Her solid tone returned and her eyebrows drew closer together. “But your hunch had better be right. Don’t let yourself be ruled by your emotions.”

Eraqus sighed, wiping his wet eyes. “I know, I know. Thank you.”

She tapped her elbow to his, smiling just a bit. “We have to have each others’ backs. I hope to see you back soon.” She paused and corrected herself. “ _ Both  _ of you.”

Eraqus smiled again. “Yup, no problem.”

Urd replaced her helmet and hopped back on her blade, leaving Eraqus to continue his journey. The oasis was just over the next dune. He rode his keyblade up the hill, sending a trail of sand down behind him.

As he cleared the peak, the air changed and a ring limit formed around him. At the foot of the dune, the sand blew around, revealing a massive puddle of darkness swirling as a gargantuan figure ascended out. It must’ve been drawn by his combined light with Urd as it was far too powerful for one wielder alone. Eraqus had never seen this class before – tall, black, heart cut out at its core, dark locks whipping around its face. Eraqus froze, keyblade appearing in his hand as he hopped down onto the sand. This was more than Eraqus was ready to deal with, so he tore off down to the side toward the limit, trying to get his defenses up. The heartless fell to its knees, striking its fists and sending the dunes shifting and cascading down, knocking the sand out from under Eraqus’ feet and sending him tumbling. Now on the same level as the heartless, it lifted a ball of darkness from its puddle, sending tiny pieces cascading down. Eraqus cast reflega around him as he dodged towards the oasis, finding some shelter in the palm trees from the onslaught of darkness. The edge of the field was farther into the oasis, so he snuck in the ferns on his knees, trying his best not to be seen.

The heartless was moving differently now, bullets of darkness shooting from its hollow chest, Eraqus noticed and batted them away just in time. The only advantage with an enemy this big was its slow speed, but its massive health bar was just as daunting. As it began to return to its knees, Eraqus timed a jump over its impulse, pushing past and deeper into the oasis, trying to flee.

Very suddenly, a dozen tiny shadows rushed Eraqus, pushing him back, making him turn and strike the nearer ones, casting a few thundagas to take them out, but suddenly being affronted with most darkness hailing from the sky. With his mana empty, he tried his best to dodge them, charging between the ferns, when suddenly a reflega bubble was cast around him. In his surprise, he froze, then his arm was grabbed and he was pulled down to a crouch. Beside him, in the brush, Xehanort appeared, keyblade drawn. Eraqus’ shining eyes and awed expression were unfitting to the situation. “You’re here…”

Xehanort, as always, was focused. “Come with me, I can show you where to hide to wait for him to despawn.” He looked up, timing the attacks, then finally grabbing Eraqus’ hand and pulling him back to his feet. “Now!”

They ran toward the centre of the oasis where Xehanort dove into the pool, submerged immediately in the cool water. After a moment of surprise, Eraqus vanished his keyblade and dove in after. Beneath the surface, there was a hole in the rock face where Xehanort was disappearing through. After a moment, both resurfaced inside a tiny cave, dimly lit from a crack in the ceiling. Soaked and charged with adrenaline, Eraqus grabbed and kissed Xehanort like he should have two days ago, hours of remorse and worry disappearing in a second.

When they split apart, Xehanort was smiling despite himself. (Eraqus had that effect on people.) “What are you doing here?”

A sudden sadness washed over Eraqus. “Looking for you,” his voice was earnest, “everyone is worried sick. I-I couldn’t handle having you gone…”

Xehanort paused, standing in the water, thinking it over. Eraqus went on: “I followed my heart to you to tell you that you need to come back – there’s still so much to learn a-and I’m going to be so worried with you gone… like I-I can’t handle the thought of you being out here alone with things like… like that…”

“The Darkside?” Xehanort supplied. “It’s been here since I arrived but it is no trouble. It usually despawns in a bit after I wait it out in here.”

Eraqus set his jaw. “I just—it’s too soon for you to be off on your own. Please, please come back, I can’t be okay without you—”

“I know,” Xehanort cut in. Little did Eraqus know, Xehanort had overheard his conversation with Urd and his determination not to give up had played his little heart like a fiddle. “You still need me. And I don’t—I don’t want to hurt you.”

Relief washed over Eraqus: Xehanort was finally seeing some sense. He rushed into another embrace, emotion boiling over. He had no inkling of the torment Xehanort felt over this all – he hated the vulnerability that came with loving Eraqus. He hated that anyone had that kind of power over him. But he was seventeen, and he realized even in a few short days that sticking around Scala was probably the fastest way to Mastery, even if the conditions weren’t ideal.

Eraqus could just barely notice his hesitation – even in private now, Xehanort resisted his embrace; he didn’t give in like he used to years ago. They stood there, chest deep in the water, Xehanort’s hand clasped in Eraqus’. The latter was never very good at silence, rushing to fill it after a moment: “I think the others will really be changed this time. You should’ve seen how worried they all were.”

Xehanort sighed. “That’s not what this was about. It’s about me, really.”

Eraqus laughed, rolling his eyes. “Alright, whatever you say. Do you think he’s despawned by now?”

“Maybe…" Another look at Xehanort's pensive face began to dampen Eraqus' good mood, bringing him down to a bittersweet sadness. Slowly, he moved in again, his hand finding Xehanort's cheek and pulling him in for a slower, steadier kiss.

They lingered there, foreheads together, Eraqus quivering from the cold and the emotion. “Please don’t leave me…” he whispered, sounding so sad.

Xehanort didn’t want to. He truly cared for Eraqus, but he knew that was a promise he couldn’t keep. So he said nothing, just embracing and steadying his best friend, trying to enjoy the moment. “It’s probably gone by now,” his voice was surprisingly flat as they slowly split apart. “Are you ready to head back?”

Eraqus would take what he could get with a nod, the two submerged themselves, leaving the oasis from the other side. Eraqus quickly scrawled his success on a letter, and before he knew it, the two were back on the Scala pier, like the first day they’d laid eyes on each other. As their classmates returned, it almost broke Eraqus’ heart to see Xehanort’s spirit gone, cold formalities replacing it, bowing and apologizing to the Master. Curt words were exchanged with the classmates, all politely glad to have him back. Eraqus wished they could see Xeh the way he did – he knew how much Xehanort wanted to be welcomed back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuhhhhhgggg I wasn't fast enough and the new KH DR update came out but I haven't played it yet and I don't think I'm going to try to amend this story to match it. Sorry Baldr :( 
> 
> In other news, the next few chapters are going to be a bit longer (this is where it starts getting good...) and I think there's only about 4-5 chapters left? Enjoy!!

Things were changed after that: Xehanort had never struck anyone as a flight risk before, but now, there was always the potential for him to do it again. Xehanort was more focused than ever, studying harder and longer than before. For the first time in a long time, he and Eraqus didn’t spend all their time together. The other students would run down to the market after class, but Xehanort would just return to his dorm. Eraqus would sometimes go back with him, but others he would end up with their classmates. He knew it made Xehanort jealous, but the fear of missing out sometimes won over.

It wasn’t long before the students were practicing for their Mark of Mastery with practice tests, spending more time on technique rather than working on improving their strength. They still had occasional missions, mostly solo now, just enough time for Xehanort to do some soul searching and world hopping. His mind was being opened to things he never would’ve considered, and he loved it. All he wanted was to learn.

It was around Xehanort’s 18 th birthday that Hermod and Urd strutted into the study with their hands clasped, haughtily announcing, “we’re dating now.” None of the classmates were surprised – both came from powerful families and they had been good friends for many years. Their marriage would likely eventually be arranged, so why not experiment as teens? It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but something about their openness filled Xehanort with a deep sadness. He knew it was some iteration of jealousy – he knew part of his heart wished things could be that easy for him and Eraqus.

“Aw!” Vor was nearly squealing. “That is so cute! Have you kissed yet?”

“No.” Urd deadpanned. It was hard to imagine either of them being romantic: they were both very serious and devoted to their classes.

“But, I am taking her out for Grand Hearts day,” Hermod decided. “It’s about time we started celebrating properly.”

“Hoo, Mr. Focused finally found something to be distracted by?” Bragi teased, leaning across the table and waggling their eyebrows.

“We won’t let this affect our training,” Urd claimed. “We’re just kids, it’s not like we’re moving in together or anything.”

“I’m  _ soooo  _ happy for you!” Vor was still starry-eyed. Really, it was nice to have something new to gossip about – things had been quite quiet since Xehanort had returned.

Later that day, Eraqus and Xehanort were at the chessboard, neither as engaged as they had once been. Eraqus was particularly distracted today, to the point Xehanort felt inclined to say something. “What’s on your mind?”

Eraqus pouted and pulled one leg up onto the bench beside him. “Well, I’m not trying to be rude but… Urd and Hermod? Really?”

Xehanort said nothing, just popping his eyebrows expectantly and moving his piece. He knew some of the comments he was going to make about them were not the politest, so he wanted to wait and see where Eraqus was going with this.

“I feel like they don’t even like each other—” Eraqus was at his wit’s end. “I mean, no more than any of our other classmates.”

Xeh waited for Eraqus to make his move before offering, “most people start dating before they fall in love.”

Eraqus just looked sad at that, almost taking it as a personal attack. Part of Xehanort wanted to reach out, to comfort his friend, but he knew there was little he could say or do that would ameliorate the situation. So they lapsed back into silence, playing their game as the sun set to their sides.

Grand Hearts Day was only a few short weeks away – it was customary for children to decorate and give flowers, but now that they were passing into adulthood, more was expected of them. Since most of their cohort was over the age of majority, they were now invited to a formal Masters’ banquet at the end of the day. They were all nervous about their first appearances with most of the senior Masters.

Eraqus had always loved the holiday growing up, but this year, he was almost dreading it. The first year after Xehanort had arrived stuck out in his memory now: he’d picked an array of flowers from people’s rooftop gardens and proudly given them to Xeh, who’d been happy to receive them. The few years after that, the two had taken advantage of the free time to explore, sometimes for fun, sometimes tending toward the romantic. Eraqus could remember their picnic in the meadow when they were 16, both just smiling and happy. Last year had been busy with school things, so they hadn’t really had the chance to do anything. This year, the Master was giving them a half day, so they’d have the time. There were just… other factors at play now.

Classes were alright, but everyone was distracted. By lunchtime, all eyes were on the clock, counting down the minutes until freedom. When the clock struck 12 and the Master closed his book, Urd and Hermod were out the door in a second, hands clasped. “I’m gonna pick some flowers,” Vor announced. “Bragi, wanna come with?”

The redhead shrugged. “Well, I was kind of hoping one of the sexy upper year students was going to come ask me out, but I guess I could spare a couple hours with you, Vor.”

She was giggling. “Alright, come on.” Vor grabbed her friend’s arm and pulled them off, out of the classroom.

That left just Xehanort and Eraqus in the classroom. The former was surprisingly relaxed: things had been going fairly well in class for the past few months, so he had no reason to worry. “So, did you have anything in mind for today?” he casually asked, leaning back on the desk.

Eraqus let out an uncharacteristic sigh, so unexpected to the point that Xehanort turned. He was shocked to find his best friend’s eye filled with tears, bottled up and about to break. Concern creased Xehanort’s brow and he leaned across the table. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Eraqus blinked and looked away, rubbing his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “I just… I hate this stupid holiday…”

Xehanort moved around the table, sitting at Eraqus’ side, facing him sideways in his chair. “Really?” he asked quietly, honestly. “You never used to…”

“It was different back then,” Eraqus was still avoiding his gaze. “Now it just feels like,” he sniffed, a tear rolling down his cheek, “a slap in the face.”

Xehanort exhaled, searching for the right thing to say. “Things aren’t fair, and it sucks.” Eraqus shook again and Xehanort slid closer, wrapping his arms around him.

Unfortunately, this just made Eraqus cry harder now, shaking with sobs like Xehanort had never seen before. “I just… is it me?” he cried. “Am I really that hard to love back?”

It hit Xehanort’s heart like a bolt of ice. Was that really how Eraqus felt? What he’d been harboring all this time? Flabbergasted, all he could manage was, “what?”

“Like, I get it if you like me better as a friend but it feels like you don’t even like me as that anymore…” Tears were pouring down Eraqus’ face, completely devastated.

It was distressing; Xehanort didn’t want to see him like this. He needed to calm him down, rushing to remedy this sadness, reaching for his cheek, steadying him. “None of that is true,” he promised, voice trembling in his chest. “Era, I’m sorry if I’ve been distracted these past few months but I… you don’t mean any less to me. I wish we didn’t have to hold back—”

“We don’t!” Eraqus insisted, grasping his hands. “The pain this is causing me is worse than anything the others could say or do.” He was sniffing, tears still rolling down his cheeks. “How could anyone not want to be loved?”

That wasn’t it at all. Xehanort desperately wanted that; Eraqus was the only person in his life who had ever truly needed him, and he didn’t even have the guts to reciprocate. It was terrifying, to rely on someone else, and Xehanort wasn’t strong enough for that yet. He confessed: “I do care about you, and I wish we could be together. I just…” He’d never really realized it before, but it was true, “if I let myself love you, none of the others would take me seriously.”

Eraqus’ eyes widened. Xehanort went on: “I can’t… live in your shadow. We all already know you’re going to do great things, Era… I need to carve my own success here.” The sadness was seeping back into Eraqus’ eyes and Xehanort couldn’t leave him like this, stroking his cheek again, “but that’s just until we become Masters. You know how hard I’ve worked to get here. I need this; I want this. But once I’m done, all that will be left is you,” Eraqus gave the tiniest smile at that, “and we can take the worlds by storm,” Xehanort’s heart was racing, “I’ll take you somewhere with no expectations—”

“And things can be just like they used to,” Eraqus finished for him.

“Exactly,” Xehanort promised.

Eraqus leapt on him in a hug, overflowing with relief, hearing just what he needed. “What did I do to deserve you?” he whispered into Xehanort’s neck.

All the latter could do was squeeze him back. When they pulled back, he tried his best to summon the innocent good nature of their youth, “so, would you like to join me for lunch on the pier?”

Eraqus laughed, eyes still damp. “Yes, yes please!”

“Forget about Urd and Hermod,” now Xehanort was the one insisting not to be jealous, “they’re only together because they’re straight and they’ll have to have kids one day.”

Eraqus gave him a playful look, sniffling and wiping his nose. “What, and that couldn’t be us?”

Xehanort rolled his eyes and shoved off from the chair. “Shut up. You’re eighteen.”

The two walked down to the pier, casual and calming down. He liked comforting Eraqus, but the temptation to give up everything for him was growing greater. As the years passed, Xehanort was maturing into a focused and determined pupil, but Eraqus just seemed to be growing more romantic and emotionally driven. Xehanort had never expected the breakdown today, but it was daunting. Eraqus couldn’t be Master material if he was still like that. Still, Xehanort could play along for one day. It would be nice to distract Eraqus, even just as friends (with maybe a kiss or two). They had plenty of time before the grand meal at the end of the day. 

The afternoon greatly improved Eraqus’ mood. They sat on one of the grassy rooftops, a tower belonging to one of Eraqus’ family friends, eating fruits and watching the younger apprentices chase each other around the pavilion, flowers in hand. It seemed one heartfelt confession was sufficient for the day – Eraqus seemed calm and content, their hands clasped under the table.

As the sun began to set, they had to return to the castle for the Masters’ Dinner. They had to change beforehand, stopping by Eraqus’ home first. Xehanort lingered in the hall, admiring its ancient, ornate beauty, when suddenly Eraqus was stepping out of his room in his formal dress. It did make Xehanort think twice, his breath catching in his throat. He looked as beautiful as the day they’d met, his hair neatly combed, face smooth and pale, his robes fitting him so nicely. Eraqus noticed him looking, teasing, “what?”

Xehanort shook his head, rolling his eyes and smirking. “Nothing.”

Eraqus grinned and grabbed Xeh’s arm. “Come on, you’re going to make us late.”

The dorm was their next stop, Eraqus not quite giving Xehanort the same amount of privacy. He milled around his room as the other tried to get changed, fussing with trinkets Xehanort had brought back from the worlds. “Alright, come on, let’s go.” And just like that, Xehanort was dressed. Eraqus looked over and was surprised when his own moment struck him – so much that he had to pause and take it all in. Although Xehanort’s robes weren’t as extravagant as Eraqus’, they fit him perfectly, showing off the muscle he was gaining in his arms and shoulders. The way the moonlight hit him really showed how much he had grown, having the opposite effect on Eraqus: he was changing, growing from that smiling boy Eraqus knew so well into a handsome young man. They were growing up.

Eraqus was not as conscious as Xehanort, proudly announcing, “you look…  _ so good!”  _ in awe, leaving Xehanort to give a tired sigh and grin.

“Come on,” Xehanort touched his arm, brushing past him. “You can admire me at the dinner table. Don’t make us late.”

They walked the halls through the castle to one of the higher great halls. As they approached the door, Xehanort noticed that same sadness slipping into Eraqus’ face, squeezing his hand before they entered, a silent  _ ‘don’t forget, I actually love you.’  _ Thankfully, it would just be their class and a few of the senior Masters at their meal.

When they arrived, the other students were already wandering around chatting, all dressed to the nines. Xehanort grabbed a flute of juice from an ornate golden tray, overhearing Hermod bragging about his ‘date’ with Urd.

“We walked around the whole town and talked about everything,” he was telling Vor, “and then we did our homework on the grass by the pavilion.”

Xehanort was nearly scoffing. Oh, how he wished things could be different. He wished he could shove what he and Eraqus had in everyone’s face. But that behavior wasn’t fitting of a Keyblade Master – he could handle it; he could hold it in.

One of the other younger apprentices from a different cohort entered the room carrying an enormous bouquet and setting it in front of one of their labelled seats. From around the room, everyone’s eyes followed the delivery, eager to see who it was intended for. Xehanort was almost rolling his eyes, sure it was some grand gesture Hermod was pulling for Urd to pretend they had the perfect relationship.

Everyone approached the table as the messenger left the room, trying to see whose name was on the label. “ _ Eraqus _ ,” Hermod read, a look of surprise on his face.

Uh oh, Xehanort didn’t like that. He tried to stay calm but couldn’t stop his face from growing red. A clueless and starry-eyed Eraqus emerged from the crowd, looking at the beautiful gift. He was as surprised as the rest of them.

“There’s a note on this side!” Vor pointed out.

Just as Eraqus was reaching for it, the Master entered and harshly asked, “why aren’t you all in your seats?”

All of them jumped and turned, some flinching, some bowing their heads. “Sorry, Master,” Urd spoke, “we just wanted to see the gift Eraqus got.”

His expression softened – he remembered what it was like to be a young wielder, still excited by the hijinks of his classmates. “Very well,” he agreed, “but please be seated before the other Masters arrive. We have standards to uphold.”

Slowly, Eraqus turned the flowers, pausing to take a breath of their sweet scent – white roses and lilies, big white dahlias, baby’s breath and green leaves twisting around it all. He plucked the note from between the stems, examining his name in calligraphy on the front. “Read it!” Vor urged.

He flipped the paper over and found it hard to find his voice. After a moment’s hesitation, he managed, “Um…  _ ‘Eraqus. You are the light of my life and the heart of my world’. _ ” Xehanort’s brow was furrowing.  _ “’Thank you for many years of friendship. Though I never expected to find love in a place like this, I can’t deny it any longer. I want all the worlds to know how much you mean to me.’”  _ Eraqus sniffed, “and it’s sighed, ‘ _ your secret admirer.’” _

The room stood in shocked silence, none of them expecting a public confession like that. The worst part was, Xehanort hadn’t expected it either. He hadn’t ordered any flowers, written any note. But, would anyone else on the whole godforsaken island be stupid enough not to realize Eraqus was head over heels in love with Xehanort?

Apparently, the latter didn’t even occur to Eraqus as he placed the note back down with trembling hands. “Xeh…” he stood there for a moment, shaking, then launching himself at Xehanort, embracing him hard. “Thank you,” he cried into Xehanort’s collar. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that…”

Xehanort just stood there, stunned, painfully aware of his classmates’ and Master’s eyes on the two of them. “Uh… I’m glad you like them, but… those aren’t from me…”

Slowly, Eraqus drew back. “…W-w… really?” The two looked around the room, waiting for anyone else to say something. Eraqus, stupidly, was still optimistic, “but the sentiment is still the same… right?”

God, did that put Xehanort on the spot. He tried to choose his words carefully, “I do care for you and I’m thankful you’re my friend, but I… I don’t want to be anything more.” The look of heartbreak in Eraqus’ eyes made him amend: “not yet…”

“So is everything you said this morning ‘ _ not from you, _ ’ too?” Eraqus jeered, hurt, exposing too much for Xehanort’s comfort.

All Xehanort wanted was some privacy. His voice got quieter: “no, I meant it, I swear, it’s just…” he sighed, hot with shame, “can we do this somewhere else? Please?”

There was a scoff from their crowd of onlookers. “You are such a little bitch,” Bragi spoke up. Xehanort took a step back, a look of surprised incredulousness on his face. “You’re really not going to admit it?”

Xehanort shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving their face. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Bragi rolled their eyes, palming their forehead. “God, I’ve never seen anyone so repressed.”

“Repressed?” Xehanort repeated in disbelief at Bragi’s nerve.

“We know how much you care about each other,” Vor stepped in, her hands clasped on the skirt of her formal gown, “so we figure a little push might help…”

Xehanort was putting the pieces together. “You did this?” he quietly asked. He looked around the room at four sheepish faces. “You were all in on this?”

“You have no idea how sick and tired we are of watching you two skirt around it for years.” Bragi was still insistent. “So, yeah. I put it together.”

“Look at what it’s done to him!” Xehanort gestured back at a confused and heartbroken Eraqus. 

The black haired boy’s expression changed suddenly when he was referenced, stepping forward and pushing Xehanort back, trying to catch his gaze and commanding him, “don’t talk about me like that!”

“It was really from a good place,” Hermod insisted. “I mean, it was obvious how jealous you were of me and Urd.”

Xehanort rolled his eyes, clenching his fists. “I would rather  _ die  _ than have what you two have. Eraqus has more romance in one  _ finger  _ than either of you do in your entire lives—”

“We just wanted you to be happy,” Vor insisted, worry creasing her forehead. “And we wanted to show that we support you guys.”

“Playing with his feelings is not the way to do that—” Xehanort argued, but Eraqus cut in again, shoving him now with two hands on his chest, finally making Xehanort face him and crying: “don’t  _ fucking  _ talk about me like that!”

Xehanort recoiled, shocked to be in Eraqus’ furious gaze, all of their classmates scowling at him. He straightened up, clenching his fists to try to stop the lump from rising in his throat. “I came here to study the Keyblade,” he cried, his voice so defeated. “I never asked for this…”

Bragi was unmoved by his emotion. “You are unbelievable.”

So much tension had bottled up in Xehanort that it all just burst, and before he knew what he was doing, he was shoving Eraqus out of the way and swinging at Bragi, his fist colliding with their jaw. Everything was happening so fast: Hermod trying to pull him off and getting an elbow to the nose, Xehanort tackling Bragi to the ground, grabbing them by their collar, their head colliding with the floor. Xehanort’s first was drawn back, ready to strike. Thankfully, their Master stopped time, his voice bellowing through the hall, freezing all the students in their places. Xehanort realized what he’d done, horror creeping into his face at his own actions.

Roughly, still while frozen, the Master yanked Xehanort to his feet, off of Bragi, letting him move again. He didn’t have to say anything: the pure disgust on his face was telling enough. Xehanort rushed to explain himself: “I’m so sorry, Master, I don’t know what came over me, I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off. It was clear there was nothing he could say to undo what he’d done. The others were coming back into time now, Bragi groaning on the floor, Eraqus rushing to their side, Hermod’s nose starting to bleed onto his white robes and Vor grabbing him a napkin. Horrified, Xehanort staggered back, his heart hurting in his chest. All that was left for him to do was run.

And just like that, Xehanort had ruined things again. It was starting to seem like that’s all he was good at.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again!! just a quick heads up that there's a bit of smut in this chapter (nothing too detailed though). :) Uhg I love this story, this is where it's finally getting good......

A half hour later, Xehanort was sitting on the clocktower, gazing down at the city below him and the sky, lit by just the tiniest hint of light. His heart was aching in a way that made him not want to be alive. He wished he could go back and stop this from ever happening.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a quiet voice behind him. “Hey…” Eraqus pulled himself up onto the ledge behind him but Xehanort didn’t turn to face him. “I thought you might be up here.”

Yes, the clock tower was another place that Eraqus had shown him on their first tour of town together, years ago now. Eraqus came to sit beside him, silent but gentle, joining him in looking out at the city. After a moment, Xehanort found his voice, speaking so softly: “I am so sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Eraqus said half-heartedly. “Everyone’s okay. Bragi’s more shaken than anything and all you bruised on Hermod was his pride.” He chuckled very lightly. “Urd got blood all over her formalwear. I wish you’d seen it.”

Xehanort looked up and finally met his gaze, his face hollow. “I can’t believe I did that. I don’t know what came over me…”

Eraqus sighed. “It’s okay, they shouldn’t have been meddling…”

Xehanort’s eyes were terrified. “They’re never going to look at me the same again. How could any of them trust me after that?” Eraqus didn’t know what to say, just scooting closer and taking his hand. “I ruined everything between them and I’m just hurting you,” he went on, shaking, “no matter what I do, it always ends up hurting you…” They sat in silence before he finally admitted: “Sometimes I think the universe would be better without me in it.”

Eraqus squeezed his hand and turned, releasing it and moving his hand to touch Xehanort's cheek. “I’d do it all again just for the chance to love you,” he admitted, his gaze so tender. “I wouldn’t change anything, Xeh, and I don’t blame you for how hard things are for us…” he chuckled despite it all and Xehanort leaned into his touch, “Of course the universe would bring us together in the one time and place we can’t be together.”

“So you’re okay with that…?” Xehanort slowly asked.

“I’m happy to call you my friend as long as I can keep you closer,” Eraqus combed his fingers through the side of Xehanort’s hair. “I know that one day, none of this will matter and we can just be happy again.”

Xehanort hated getting Eraqus’ hopes up and he was realizing after their discussion that maybe he shouldn't just be telling Eraqus what he wanted to hear. “I… I hope that will be true, but to… to be honest, I can’t spend my life being second best, Era.” Why was this, of all things, making him tear up? “Everyone knows you’re destined for greatness—”

“All I want out of my life is to love you,” Eraqus promised, “so make your own destiny, Xeh. You will shine and everyone will see it. All your hard work will pay off.”

Xehanort was not convinced, shifting out of Eraqus’ touch and gazing off over the town. After a long silence, he spoke: “… I think it’s really time for me to leave.”

Eraqus had been dreading this since his return four months ago. His hand found Xehanort’s again, trembling just a bit. “Please don’t go…”

When their gazes met again, Xehanort was calm. “It’s okay,” he assured his friend. “This is what I want and what I need. I’ll be okay, I promise. And I will be back eventually, when the time is right.” He could see the unease on Eraqus’ face, and now he was the one taking both Eraqus’ hands and begging: “you can’t come after me this time. You need to trust me.”

Eraqus’s eyes were watering again, always so afraid of change. “I wish it didn’t have to come to this…”

“I’m sorry,” Xehanort leaned over and embraced him, barely kissing his neck. “I don’t want this to hurt you…”

Eraqus tried his best to steady himself but he couldn’t stop the silent tears. “I understand. P-please, just stay the night… please…”

Xehanort couldn’t say no to Eraqus, now or ever. They sat on the clocktower until it was completely dark and the chill of the early spring air set in. When Xehanort stood, Eraqus pulled him into an embrace and begged, “please come stay with me. I want to be near you.”

So Xehanort let Eraqus pull him by his hand into his family’s tower, knowing he should be going back to his room to pack but unable to resist. Most of the lights were out and the halls were silent except for the quiet padding of their feet. Things were so different from how they had been a few hours ago, preparing for dinner. Xehanort had never spent the night; the castle felt different in the dark.

Eraqus’ room fit him: grand, but a little disorganized. His massive bed had a tall canopy, light tulle draped around the satin sheets, a vast window beside it looking out to the rest of the town and the harbor. The moon was bright, making everything glisten.

Eraqus didn’t turn on any lights, heeling off his shoes at the door and shouldering off his formal robe. Xehanort followed suit, his eyes never leaving Eraqus. They sat on the edge of his bed in their dress shirts, side by side, both reminded of the rest of the world stretching below them. Xehanort started to pull a tent from his inventory, but Eraqus stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Xeh… there’s something I need to do,” Eraqus finally spoke, his voice hardly more than a whisper. “And I-I don’t want this to mess up our friendship but I… I can’t wait any longer.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking Xehanort’s hand. “Please… just love me like nothing else exists.”

Xehanort couldn’t deny that he had reservations, but Eraqus tried his best to kiss them away. Everything felt so proper: to be here, on Eraqus’ bed, so quiet in the dead of night, only the moon witnessing what would come. Eraqus’ hands travelled to places they never had before, leading the way, showing Xehanort what was okay. He was no longer just chaste, bringing them to a situation they’d never been in before. He was baring his heart, giving Xehanort everything, and his partner couldn’t help but reciprocate. Nimble fingers dipped under Xehanort’s shirt, pulling it off over his head in a swift movement, immediately moving back in to embrace him again. They were stuck to each other like magnets, eventually ending up in the middle of the bed, Eraqus on top of Xehanort, still kissing him fervently. He stopped for a breath and just like that, they were meeting each other’s eyes, realizing what was about to happen. “I need you,” Eraqus’ voice was unlike Xehanort had ever heard. It made his mouth dry and his stomach clench. “Please,” he begged. 

“Is this really what you want?” Xehanort was terrified. He didn’t want to make it any harder for him to leave – he didn’t want to do something Eraqus would regret. “… I don’t want to hurt you…”

Eraqus lowered himself slowly, kissing Xehanort’s forehead, then nose, then lips, drawing back just enough to promise, “I won’t let you.”

He was irresistible. And just like that, Xehanort devoted himself to living the illusion for at least once in his life, committing to giving Eraqus what he wanted. It was tender, the two undressing each other slowly, trying to memorize every angle and plane, trying to bottle and savor this moment. They took it slowly, waiting to warm up to each new sensation before moving onto the next. Being naked together was so new, so unbelievable, but the warmth from Eraqus’ heart made it feel so natural. It reminded Xehanort just how much he loved Eraqus, how much he wished this could be his final goal.

Eraqus’ hands travelled the surfaces of Xehanort’s body, dipping between his legs, touching him, encouraging him to let instinct take over. His mouth on Xehanort was so soft, so wet, making Xeh’s legs shake, making him lose his fingers in that head of thick hair. He was so tender, inexperienced but prepared to try. It was incredible – it would have been more than enough for Xehanort, but Eraqus wanted more.

As the night got later, their passions heated, Eraqus fetching supplies from his bedside table: protection, preparation. Xehanort was kind of stunned, Eraqus before him, his beautiful form stretched on the bed, the moon pale on his back. Gently, slowly, Xehanort guided himself in, taking Eraqus, giving him what he so badly wanted. He was terrified to mess this up, but Eraqus wouldn’t let that happen. He started so gently, cautiously, following Eraqus’ lead. As they grew comfortable, they sped up, Xehanort’s hands moving from Eraqus’ hips to his shoulders, giving him better leverage, striking something deep inside Eraqus that made his stomach tighten. It was slow and fast, hot and cold, all at the same time.

Eraqus had never felt so satisfied in his life. He’d been thinking about this for a long time, much more mentally prepared than Xehanort was, and it was so good to have it come to fruition. There were some uncomfortable sensations, yes, but the feeling of being filled was unreal. It was a validation, a manifestation of the things he’d been feeling for years. Xehanort was making him feel things he’d never felt before. Eraqus wouldn’t admit it, but he knew in his heart of hearts that this could very well be the last time he’d ever see Xehanort, so he didn’t want to leave anything unsaid, anything undone.

In time, they grew nearer to the close, Eraqus’ eyebrows furrowing and a strangled breathy moan escaping his lips, trying to announce himself to Xehanort but unable to form a coherent thought. He staggered out a few breaths and suddenly he was coming over the both of them, sat down in Xehanort’s lap, clenching in an unbelievable way. Xehanort tilted him back so he was lying on his back again, holding himself up, taking in all of Eraqus before he let himself go as well. After a shaking moment, he let himself down slowly, rolling onto his back beside Eraqus, breathless, half in disbelief that his had happened. Eraqus grabbed a tissue from his nightstand, cleaning his essence off his own belly and Xehanort’s chest, discarding the contraceptive and pulling Xehanort onto his side, tangling their legs and leaving their faces inches apart.

As the wonderful afterglow began to die down, Eraqus’ expression turned to bittersweet, studying Xehanort’s face like it was the most interesting thing in the world. As he started to tear up, Xehanort reached for him: “What’s wrong?”

“I just love you so much…” Eraqus whispered, trembling. “I wish things could be different. I wish you and me could run this big old castle together and get married and I’d train apprentices and you’d travel the worlds as you pleased.”

Xehanort was still afraid, even in trying to comfort Eraqus. He didn’t want to say anything wrong, so he just pulled Eraqus closer and hugged him to his chest. He should’ve said it then – Eraqus deserved to know he was loved back – but he didn’t want to make things more complicated. There was nothing Eraqus could say or do that could stop him from leaving, but he at least owed him this night.

Eventually, they fell asleep like that, both still nude, holding each other in Eraqus’ massive bed. Xehanort had never slept so easy as he did that night, warm in Eraqus’ embrace.

The night was as perfect as it could have been. But nothing was ever easy for them.

As the sky began to lighten, Xehanort stirred, taking a moment to appreciate Eraqus, to soak him in. The latter was still gripping on tight, so adamant to be close to Xehanort for as long as he could. Worry was building in Xehanort’s heart; he didn’t understand why Eraqus was like this. He didn’t deserve to be loved unconditionally.

Slowly, gingerly, he untangled himself from Eraqus, trying hard not to wake him. Eraqus stirred, rubbing his hands over Xehanort’s arms. The latter leaned over and stroked the side of Eraqus’ head, placing a kiss on his temple, whispering, “you don’t have to get up.”

Eraqus yawned and stretched, forcing his eyes open a crack. “No, it’s okay, I should get up too,” he murmured, rolling over to look out at the sun just beginning to lighten the vast sky over the town.

Xehanort was on his feet, putting on last night’s formalwear, gathering his belongings strewn around Eraqus’ room. The black-haired boy sat up, grabbing his comb and started to untangle his hair. Almost hesitantly, he asked, “so, would you like to stay for breakfast?”

Xehanort’s heart hurt. To him, it all seemed like a ploy to make him stay. And it had worked – he would’ve left overnight if he hadn’t been in Eraqus’ bed. This suspicion made Eraqus’ good intentions feel hollow and almost manipulative. Had Eraqus really let him fuck him to try to convince him to stay? This paranoia was new, but it hadn’t left him alone in weeks.

So he met Eraqus’ eyes softly and reminded him, “I should be going…”

Eraqus paused, his hands still behind his head to put his hair up but instead letting it down again. He exhaled, defeated, so Xehanort came to stand before him on the bed, hugging his head to his chest. Eraqus conceded, “I know…”

“I’ll be alright,” Xehanort murmured into the top of his head. “I need my freedom, Era. This is what’s best for me.”

“I know,” Eraqus repeated into his chest. He was trying to sound upbeat, but his voice cracked just a bit: “I won’t come chasing after you this time.”

Xehanort stepped back, meeting his eye, “I’ll be back before the Mark of Mastery exam. And I’ll write you.”

Eraqus tipped his head up and kissed him, shakily reminding him, “I’ll be there for you no matter what, okay?”

“And I, you,” Xehanort whispered onto his lips. He half expected Eraqus to make some quip about not needing to be saved again, but he was too sad. Eventually, they dressed, and Eraqus walked him to the door and then hugged him for at least a solid minute. Eventually, they split apart.

“I can’t wait to hear about all the places you’ll see,” Eraqus managed a smile. “Be safe.”

Xehanort nodded. Eraqus squeezed his hand, hesitated, then pulled him in for another embrace. He waved as Xehanort walked away until he was out of sight. As much as Xehanort had enjoyed every moment at Eraqus’ side, it did make it so much harder to leave. Walking away, he had to remind himself the real reason he was here – he possessed a very rare power that was not being properly nurtured. He hadn’t planned to fall in love, but Eraqus made it so very hard to resist.

He packed more thoroughly this time, definitely in a calmer and more determined mindset, even stopping at the study and stealing a few of the ancient texts. He left a detailed note with his plans, specifically asking that no one come find him and that he would return when he had learned enough.

So, for the second time, he had his life on his back, stepping onto his glider at the pier and leaving in the quiet morning air. 


	8. Chapter 8

True to his word, Eraqus did not come after Xehanort. He was very careful, knowing that one wrong step in any outside world would probably lose him his Mastery forever. He tried his best to only spend a few days in each world before moving on, remaining undetected by most of the worlds’ authorities. He kept busy, and his skills did improve far beyond what he would’ve achieved with the training practices alone.

Weeks passed. He thought of Eraqus’ but could never think of anything to say. In his time away, Eraqus had taken to gazing out his window, just as Xehanort used to do, up at the stars or the bright blue morning sky, wondering if he was out there and if he was alright. He checked the post every day, eager to write to Xehanort but no way to reach him.

It had been nearly two months since Xehanort had left when he finally found the time to write. He was staying in a transitional world called Traverse Town, in a hostel instead of just his tent outdoors. Lying on the bed, he couldn’t help but miss Eraqus’ smooth warmth beside him. He straightened up, approaching the desk and finally grabbing the quill.

Eraqus had always been interested in the outside worlds, but only in a curious sense. He’d been eager to see new horizons, but always too timid to commit. Xehanort wrote in detail about all of the wonderful things he’d seen, things he’d hopefully one day get the chance to show Eraqus. He planned to stay out a while longer, assuming the Master was alright with it.

When the letter finally arrived in Scala ad Caelum, Eraqus opened the post box with wide eyes. He drew out the envelope, his name scrawled on the front in the font he knew so well. He ran back to his castle, climbing to the roof before opening it, pouring over it, reading it, then reading it again. He took in every detail, drawing up each image Xehanort described to him: endless oceans, skies full of lanterns. He was relieved to tears, everything Xehanort telling him feeling so intimate and romantic. Talk of journeying together after he returned, to think of their future together.

He did as Xehanort requested and passed the good news along to their Master. Master Odin had always been cool to the idea, but he did understand that Xehanort was free to leave. He had no choice but to trust him to comply with the world order. Their exams were still almost a year away, beyond an actual date, and Xehanort planned to be back well before then to get re-situated.

Eraqus was in the study later, still looking over the letter. Urd and Vor were studying quietly on the other side of the desk, but they couldn’t ignore his sighs and starry eyes. Vor politely asked, “whatcha got there?”

“Xehanort finally sent a letter!” Eraqus exclaimed. “He’s been to so many places…”

Urd and Vor exchanged a glance, the latter managing a smile. “That’s great, Eraqus. It’s nice to see you happy for a change.”

Eraqus scoffed a bit and brushed his hair out of his face. “I don’t miss him  _ that  _ much.”

Urd and Vor peered at the stack of letters he’d written, waiting for Xehanort to reply with a return address. “We all miss him,” Vor eventually said, “but this seems to be good for him.”

“And you,” Urd mentioned. “I mean, I understand that it’s fun to be distracted, but you’ve accomplished a lot since he left. Your Ars Arcanum is the best in the class now.”

Eraqus would be lying if he claimed that he wasn’t still distracted by thoughts of Xehanort, but he did have a lot more free time on his hands. He supposed that was a bit of a silver lining.

Vor’s eyes darted down to the letter, desperate to ask a question while they were still on the subject. “Eraqus… did you really…  _ mess around _ ?”

Eraqus couldn’t help a light blush from rising to his cheeks. “You guys know that’s just a rumor.”

“Well, it’s just us,” Vor looked between the three of them. “You can tell us, Era.”

Eraqus gave a tight-lipped smile. “I  _ really  _ can’t say either way. Sorry…”

“Hermod and I are saving all of that for after we become Masters,” Urd shared.

“Good, good for you,” Eraqus half-heartedly agreed. “Won’t be long now, huh.”

“It couldn’t be here soon enough,” Urd leaned back in her seat. They were all dreaming of it – only a few short months until what they’d all been working toward for so many years. 

From then on, Eraqus and Xehanort wrote back and forth, sharing their plans. Xehanort had been growing his strength, finally deciding to specialize in time magic. He’d always been a balanced wielder, but brute force would only get him so far. He was a powerful mage and had a particular knack for stopga as well as a fascination with the theory behind it. He planned to return in another few weeks with an apology to each of his classmates and their Master, train with them for a few more months and eventually be tested for the Mark of Mastery. His perspective felt fresh and he was ready to return to his group.

Xehanort had been on his own for nearly four months. He was quite far from Scala now, near the edge of the charted universe. There were few worlds out this far, and those that did exist were dark and fragmented. He was planning to stop back at some better known worlds to rest on his return to Scala, but something was calling to him. Detouring, he found a world clouded in shadows that had decidedly not been there when he had first passed by. It was too tantalizing to pass up, so he steered his glider nearer, preparing for touchdown.

He set down in a desert gorge, the arid air stinging his eyes. The world was some kind of Barrens, with desolate clearings and high bluffs around what seemed to be craters. He wandered slowly, his guard raised and his keyblade on his shoulder.

He walked through a canyon of tall rocks, ducking under those wedged midair between the walls. At the end of the crevasse, there was a clearing. Xehanort froze as he reached its edge.

Before him, hundreds of keyblades laid buried in the sand. This was a place he’d only heard of in stories, a place he’d been told didn’t exist anymore. No one had been here for centuries – it was rumored to have fallen to darkness after the Keyblade War. It was terrifying to be in a place with so much history. But, he was worried that if he left, it would vanish again, never to be seen. He sat on a dusty stone, still just in the crevasse, eagerly writing of his discovery, urging Eraqus to come – bring their Master, bring everyone! Such an important world held eons of information once thought to be lost to the shadows. He sent his message off through the Lanes, excitedly cataloging everything he could see, adding to his reports.

The message made its way to Eraqus quickly, finding him even in the study hall. He got up, opening the window to let the enchanted parchment in, deftly catching and opening it. The awe in his face (always present whenever Xehanort wrote) slowly turned to horror as he read the letter. Their classmates watched intently, as his reactions were always amusing, but they became as confused as Eraqus was. When he slowly lowered the letter, Bragi couldn’t resist: “What did he do this time?”

Eraqus had to sit down, covering his mouth. “He says he found the Keyblade Graveyard.”

The rest of their faces grew as pale as Eraqus’. To them, this was more than just a lost word: it was the site of their ancestors’ genocide. It was the reason the population of Scala ad Caelum was two hundred. The reason generations of knowledge were lost. And definitely not the place for a fledgling keyblade wielder to be by himself.

“It’s not possible,” Hermod insisted, “We have scouts for this reason – if it was really out there, they would’ve found it by now.

“He included a map,” Eraqus stood again, approaching the desk. “Let’s find out.”

Urd pulled up the holo-map from their energy crystal and carefully maneuvered through Xehanort’s instructions. As they came to the fated location, their charts ended abruptly.

“See? There’s nothing there,” Bragi was trying to be reassuring. None of them were falling for it.

“It’s like they cut it off,” Urd noted. “Like they didn’t want anyone to find it.”

There was a hesitant beat amongst all of them. “That place isn’t right…” Vor spoke softly. “For keybearers to turn against one another… it would take an incredibly oppressive environment.”

“We all know the stories,” Eraqus insisted. “I don’t think he realizes what he’s getting into.”

“He is so dead,” Bragi quipped and Vor cringed.

“We have to tell the Master,” Urd insisted. “He’s not safe out there!”

Eraqus stood, hesitated, then grabbed his parchment and wrote back:  _ You are not safe there. Please leave.  _ He sent it with as much urgency as he could muster and rushed off to find their Master. The rest followed, eager to see what would ensue.

Eraqus paused in the hall, hearing voices from the Master’s office. In his hesitation, Hermod stepped forward and pushed the door open. Master Odin and three other elder Masters were circled around his desk, turning to face them. “Hermod, what are you…” the Master trailed off when he noticed the rest of his students outside. “What’s wrong?”

“Xehanort found the Keyblade Graveyard,” Eraqus breathlessly admitted.

All of the Masters froze. Master Adara was the first to speak: “Eraqus… that world simply does not exist anymore.”

“He sent a map,” Eraqus brandished the note, “and he’s there by himself waiting for us to come.

Master Adoms suggested, “He could have made it up.”

“We checked the maps. Our charts end just before his,” Hermod said.

“Then the scouts haven’t made it that far,” Master Adoms insisted. “There’s no way a student could’ve made it that far out there alone.”

Eraqus’ eyes were locked on Master Odin. He begged, “please, just level with us. We’re basically Masters – we can handle it. We don’t need to be protected anymore. I’m worried about him, and I believe him.”

Eraqus searched his Master’s face for hesitation. He was unable to find any. Master Odin remained stoic, calmly answering, “There is no artifice, Eraqus. I have scouts keeping an eye on him. If he was in any danger, they would have already stepped in.”

The worry and doubt (and something near rebellion) was clear on Eraqus’ face as he lingered, trying to think of anything else to say. The third Elder Master, one Eraqus knew well, finally spoke up: “Steady your heart, Eraqus. You must trust your Master’s judgement.”

Eraqus dipped his head, swallowing his pride. “Yes, Father…”

Disappointed, the five students left, Eraqus’ face hot and his eyes wet. “They’re definitely hiding something,” Bragi was insisting. “Like, do they think we don’t realize how dangerous it is?”

“They should at least offer to track him down,” Hermod insisted. “I doubt that scouts could actually keep an eye on Xeh – even in Scala he was nowhere to be found half of the time.”

“Eraqus… what are you going to do?” Vor asked.

The blacked haired teen stopped walking, the rest slowing in the hall and turning back to look at him. He was quivering, trying to hold his arms at his side. “I feel like something horrible is going to happen,” he admitted. “I want to find him but I… I don’t want to disobey the Master.”

Urd touched his arm. “It’ll be okay,” she comforted him. 

Eraqus couldn’t be that easily convinced, but he had nothing more to say. He returned to his room, thinking over everything his Master and his father had said. All they were doing was proving that they would be no help in a crisis. He couldn’t believe that they still saw him as such a child when he was so close to achieving his Mastery.

He stood there, staring out his window to the sea, the fog settling in. He’d never been so unsure of what to do. Where did his priorities lie? He couldn’t shake the coldness, the dread, in his heart. He’d made a promise to his best friend and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t see it through. He grabbed his armor gauntlet and slipped out his window. He wouldn’t be gone long – no one would need to know. He knew he could bring Xehanort back. He hopped onto his glider, parchment clasped in his hand, trusting his hunch. This was too big a chance not to take.

Not long had passed before Vor found herself wandering through Eraqus’ family’s castle, wanting to comfort her friend. When she found his door slightly ajar, his room empty with the window open, she knew immediately that she was too late. Her heart shook with worry and confusion, and in her concern she ran to Bragi’s house, then Urd’s and Hermod’s. The four sat in the market, under one of the canopies as soft rain pattered down. No one wanted to say it, but they all knew the problem on their hands.

Vor was grasping at straws: “Maybe the Masters were right and there is nothing there. Maybe we’re all overreacting over nothing.”

“Is that a risk we’re willing to take?” Hermod asked. “I don’t know if I believe them.”

“They’re probably doing it to protect us,” Urd reasoned, “but by not supporting us, they’re encouraging us to keep this from them.”

“We’re obviously going to be involved – they’re our friends!” Bragi insisted.

“So should we go ask the Master if he’s going after him?” Vor asked. “Or the scouts?”

“He’ll just lie to us again!” Bragi exclaimed.

“Eraqus might be heartstrong, but he can’t do this alone – no one could,” Hermod decided. “We are a team and we have to look out for each other – even for Xehanort. The six of us together stand a better chance than those two alone.”

“Are we really doing this?” Vor timidly asked. “I… I feel the bad feeling Eraqus was talking about..”

“Sure, we’re probably going to get in trouble, but it’s for a good reason,” Bragi encouraged. “It's like Hermod said - we go together.” 

“We’re basically already Masters – if we can’t handle this together, how are we going to cope when we’re on our own in a year?” Hermod insisted. “But we have to decide together. If anyone is not ready, it’s okay – but you have to speak now.”

“I’m in,” Bragi affirmed, their eyebrows lowered in determination.

“We have to do this,” Urd agreed.

“Together,” Vor realized, her confidence growing. “Nothing can break these bonds.”

So their pact was set. They grabbed their amour, their finest accessories, all of their ethers and potions. And just like that, each of them vanished from their homes, reconvening in the Lanes Between and tracing Xehanort’s path. Perhaps it was a flaw in their lessons, but they truly believe that for them to be effective, they needed to be together. But strength in numbers wasn’t always enough, and a strong enough force would be capable of pulling them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm..... a bad feeling? wonder what that could be about..


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it, y'all. it's dark (and kind of graphic). be prepared. if this isn't your thing, you can skip to the next chapter :o

Eraqus couldn’t deny his surprise when the coordinates lead him to the shadowy world Xehanort had described. Bragi’s teasing was a little too real and he was getting anxious that he would be too late. His plan was to get in, get Xehanort, and get out. He knew this world had powers, capable of turning friends upon each other. It would be more dangerous for the two of them, but Xehanort obviously didn’t realize what he was getting himself into. 

Hesitantly, he landed on the edge of the world, dread filling him as the dusty air surrounded him. He kept his armor on and his keyblade out, scanning for any signs of life (or death). 

(Eraqus had never seen someone die before, but from their lessons, he knew that Xehanort’s body could have already been consumed by light, his heart could have already joined Kingdom Hearts.) 

He tried not to let his mind water there, telling himself that he would have felt it already if anything had happened to him. 

He approached the gorge, jumping a bit as something moved. Sheltered behind a rock, he noticed Xehanort’s tent, blowing in the wind. Slowly, he pushed back the front flaps, heart breaking as he found it empty. He looked around, desperate for any sign that Xehanort was okay. 

“Xehanort–!” he cried, heart quivering. His voice echoed down the canyon. For a second, he stood in worry, until a familiar voice echoed back. 

“I’m up here…”

He craned his neck, stepping back and finding a pair of feet dangling from the rocky overhang. Deftly, Xehanort glided down, looking surprisingly relaxed: armorless, and even his overcoat was off. The months away were visible: he was tanned, rougher around the edges, his hair was longer and tied back into a tiny, neat braid. 

Flooded with relief, Eraqus rushed to him, his armor clacking as he gingerly hugged his best friend. “Thank Light you’re okay…” Eraqus cried. 

Xehanort was too shocked to reciprocate the hug or even respond. “What are you doing here?” he finally asked. “Where’s the Master?” 

Eraqus released him, breathless. “He didn’t believe you. He said this place doesn’t exist – said he had scouts trailing you who would’ve stopped you before you got close.” He gulped, “They’re trying to hide this place from us – it can’t be safe–” 

“Eraqus, calm down,” Xehanort touched both his arms, steadying him, meeting his gaze. “I’m fine. You’re fine. Look around: this world is peaceful.” The two glanced around together, only the wind and the dust moving. When Xehanort spoke again, his voice was lower. “They’re just desperate to hide the unsightly parts of their history – they want this graveyard and the lapses of the ancient Foretellers to fade away.” He looked around again. “But this place? It serves as a reminder for how harmful light can be. Children fighting each other for the light of the worlds – it’s something that needs to be remembered and catalogued.” 

Eraqus was breathing heavily. “I understand, and I concede that the world is quiet, but I’m not willing to take any chances.” He grabbed Xehanort’s hand: “Please, we can return here after we’ve been made Masters.” 

Xehanort resisted. “What will change then? It’s only another year and a title.” He sighed, eyes darting to the side. “You can’t believe everything the Masters tell you, Eraqus.” 

“Please,” Eraqus continued to pull him. “ _ Please _ , I don’t want to risk it. Xehanort, if you ever cared about me, just come home with me. I-I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you… I love you…” 

Xehanort paused, looking down and looking away. “... You don’t have to say that. It won’t make me stay.” 

Under his mask, tears were prickling at Eraqus’ eyes, a lump rising in his throat. “I mean it…” his voice was small. “Xeh, you must know how much you mean to me.” 

“You have always been good to me, and I do care for you,” Xehanort insisted, finally returning his gaze to Eraqus’ face. “But… the things I’ve accomplished in the last four months… I can’t – I can’t let anyone hold me back.” 

There it was, everything they’d once had crumbling even more away, the boy Eraqus had once known slipping through his fingers. Slowly, he removed his helmet, letting Xehanort see the sadness that was about to erupt. “You don’t have to be afraid.” Eraqus spoke as solidly as he could. “We will find a way to make this work because I’m not going to stop loving you–” 

“I’m not afraid,” Xehanort interrupted, shockingly apathetic. “I’m doing what is best for me. I’m doing what I need to earn my right as a Keyblade Master. I wasn’t lucky enough to be born into it, so I had to forge my own path.” He paused, quaking. “I was lucky to be part of what we had. I know it’s not ever going to go away, but it will change.” He stepped forward, touching Eraqus’ cheek. 

Eraqus blinked his eyes, trying to blot the tears but just ending up with tears leaking out and trailing down his cheeks. “Just come home…”

Xehanort stepped back, knowing that Eraqus couldn’t be reasoned with right now. He walked back over to his tent, replacing his report log and grabbing his gloves and armor gauntlet. “... Do you want to see it?” he asked, gazing down the crevasse towards the graveyard itself. As he began to approach it, Eraqus couldn’t help but follow, slowly coming to the clearing, holding back, afraid to look. Xehanort beckoned him forward, leading him by the hand to see the hundreds of blades, so many just like theirs. To Xehanort, it was fitting, showing what too much reliance in authority could drive people to do. 

The only reason Eraqus was alive today was because his ancestors had fled this ground. He wanted to leave but was also transfixed. “You should put your armor on,” Eraqus said softly. 

As the two stood on the precipice of the graveyard, a set of footsteps approached them from behind. Both turned, finding their classmates trailing through the canyon. Eraqus stepped back, away from the battleground. “What are you guys doing here?” he asked, panic in his voice, trying to stop them before they could get too close. 

“We thought you might need some backup,” Hermod hefted his keyblade over his shoulder. 

Xehanort stepped up, brushing past Eraqus. “Everything is fine here. The Masters have been lying to you.” 

“No shit,” Bragi’s voice was sarcastic even from under their helmet. “This world definitely exists, and there ain’t no scouts to stop us.” 

“Is it really true?” Vor asked, behind the pack. “Is that the graveyard?” 

Xehanort took a step back. “Did you want to see it?” 

Slowly, the party moved up, forming a line at the edge of the wasteland in front of them. Thousands had died here, younger than them, fading away and leaving only their weapons behind, buried in the sand. Slowly, silently, the group began to spread out, walking down the aisle cleared of keyblades. The wind was picking up more, whisking the sand into shifting shapes and forms. Slowly, Vor reached forward and touched the hilt of a blade, pulling her hand back almost immediately. 

“We should leave this place,” Eraqus insisted. “We’ve seen enough.” 

“He’s right,” Urd, at the front, stopped. “Something’s changing in the air.” 

Even Xehanort couldn’t deny that. Since his classmates had arrived, the orange sky had become dotted with red clouds, eclipsing the sun. In the few days he’d been here, the air had been mostly still, not as volatile as it felt now. Eraqus’ gaze was always locked onto him, waiting for the next move. Xehanort dipped his head and donned his armor. 

Quickly, the group tuned and began to make their way in tight formation back to the canyon that had led them here. As they reached the edge of the graveyard where they had entered from, they found only a solid rock face. Dread began to set in. 

“I’ll scan the perimeter,” Hermod volunteered, but Urd placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“The world is shifting, but it will shift back,” she assured the group. “We have to stick together. We’ll wait it out here.” 

Behind his mask, Eraqus was scowling at Xehanort – he  _ knew  _ this would happen – but the latter was just starting up at the wall curiously. 

So the six sat in the sand, trying not to look at the blades in front of them, waiting as the sky darkened and filled with clouds. The air changed again very suddenly, the wind stopping and the ground giving a solid rumble. Eraqus was on his feet in a second, glancing around the clearing, hoping to see the exit. 

But as the dust settled, they instead noticed figures scattered amongst the field – phantoms in the form of young wielders, composed of shifting plasma, glistening like glass. Xehanort put his hand on Eraqus’ chest, holding him back and taking position at the nose of the group. 

Bragi was shaking their head. “Fuck this. Let’s get over this wall, stat.” They double flew up the sheer face, making it halfway and attempting to wall jump but stumbling on the uneven surface. Before their eyes, the wall jerked up, doubling in height, trapping them in.  _ No escape _ . On the ground, the others began to draw their blades, but before Bragi had even made it back down, five phantoms appeared around them, striking in a ring, leaving Bragi recoiling and tumbling to the group. Their armor was already starting to crack, but Urd quickly healed the group, taking a defensive stance. 

“Everyone, just stay together,” Eraqus cried with determination. “We can hold them off. We’re ready for this!” 

The group nodded, backs together, their blades raised. The phantoms rose into the sky, turning painfully bright against the dark clouds. Thirteen of them arrayed in the air. The battle began quickly, striking them from all directions, casting beams of light and darkness, causing the group to dodge and roll, knocking up blades from the sand. The phantoms were powerful and technically precise, unleashing barrages of attacks that the students had never heard of or seen before. They were fast, strong, and had them outnumbered. Even the most perfectly timed block could be broken by their greater force, sending each of the aspiring masters tumbling back. Something about the environment made their mana refill slower, and the attacks were coming so fast there was hardly time to pop a potion. 

They were trying their best to summon the things they’d learn, to use what they’d perfected in training. “Hermod!” Urd cried, casting a powerful blizzaza onto the nearest enemy, freezing them in their place. The other wielder leapt up, blade above his head, prepared for a downward strike. 

But as the blade collided with the phantom, the icy casing was shattered, Hermod’s own blade colliding with the phantom’s Starlight and shattering from the sheer force of the attack. The impact rocketed back into his arm, his armor cracking and his bones breaking as the pieces of the blade fell to the ground beside him. He cried out in pain, shaking all of their hearts, Urd jumping to him and casting reflega just before the phantom could strike back. 

On the other side of the battlefield, Vor and Bragi were trying their best to block a series of attacks from three phantoms, two ending up knocking Bragi back and shattering their helmet, forcing them back and onto the ground. The other grabbed Vor by her neck, lifting her. It shattered her reflega as she cast a bubble around herself, coursing thundaga through her armor. Eraqus and Xehanort were dodging another three, no time to take the offense.

It was impossible not to notice what was happening to their teammates. “Fall back!” Eraqus cried, dodging back to the wall, urging them all into a tiny crack in the rock face, barely a cave. Urd and Hermod were the last two in, and Bragi cast a reflega shield over the entrance. 

Inside, they all stood, panting, crying. Hermod tumbled to his knees and Urd crouched beside him, hesitating to touch him as he winced. Hermod’s arm was limp as he tried to resummon his blade, only a shattered piece appearing in his left hand. “Oh my god…” he whispered. 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Bragi shoved Xehanort suddenly in the chest, sending him falling back. “Why did you bring us here?” Their reflega was flickering with the lapse in concentration. 

“Hey!” Eraqus snapped, stepping between them and defending Xehanort with one arm. “Don’t fight him. We have to stay together; that’s the only way we stand a chance.” 

“We don’t stand a chance,” Bragi cried, gesturing to Hermod, “just look at him!” Urd was cradling his arm, casting curaga over and over, but the damage was greater than anything they could heal. Not to mention the fate of his keyblade – without a weapon, what chance did any of them have?

“How long can you hold it?” Vor asked shakily, still trembling from her electrocution, her gaze on the entrance. 

Bragi’s voice trembled, losing its fight. “Not long…” 

Eraqus didn’t know what to say. Everyone was losing hope and there was nothing he could do about it. The air was horrible, the dread almost tangible in the tiny cave. “I’m… so sorry…” Xehanort spoke unevenly, an uncharacteristic surge of emotion filling him. Hours ago, he had been so sure that he needed no one. But these people had come to protect him – they had cared, despite everything. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done… you were all… good friends to me…” 

“We’re not making it out of here, are we?” Vor quivered. 

“I can’t believe we went through all this and we never got to be Masters…” Bragi sounded defeated. “God, I wish I’d taken more time off... everything we did was just … for nothing…” 

“We never got to have students…” Urd spoke softly. 

“Or children,” Hermod touched her arm tenderly. She leaned in, resting her forehead on his. 

Eraqus just stood there, tears silently streaming down his face under his helmet, trying so hard to stay strong. “I am so sorry…” he spoke softly. Xehanort touched his shoulder and faced him, suddenly pulling him into a tight embrace. Eraqus wanted to say it again, but he knew Xehanort knew. 

“I’m not giving up,” Bragi sniffed, wiping their face from where their helmet had cracked off. “I’m not going down without a fight. We are strong – we stand together.” 

“We have each other,” Eraqus had a hand still on Xehanort’s arm. “And we will fight with honor until the end.”

“Hermod, can you pass out potions?” Vor asked. He nodded. “You take the tail position; Urd can take the nose with Xeh.” 

They all nodded, getting to their feet, wiping away their tears. Bragi’s reflega was flickering at the entrance, the phantoms striking it. 

“Let’s go,” Urd was determined, blade raised, perfectly timing a blast of light to clear the enemies from the entrance and leading them back onto the field. Although they were weary, they performed better – Bragi was able to defend all of them sometimes, Vor and Eraqus were supporting the two leads. There was an opening and the two branched off, knocking back two boosted combos each, knocking their respective phantoms into the air and continuing their assault. Both knew to lock on their shotlock just before the enemy hit the ground, freeing them up for another series of attacks. Side by side, Xehanort and Urd vanquished two of the thirteen ghosts. 

As soon as they did, the air changed. The wind was whipping again, swirling the clouds above them, and as they began to part, a blue light shone down. The six students froze, staring up as the clouds parted, revealing an entity only rumored to exist. Kingdom Hearts appeared above them. 

It wasn’t possible. In this place in time, it couldn’t happen. Xehanort realized this – they were in a memory, a flashback. They were out of their own timeline. He knew how to get them out – if he could stop time, it would be a great enough shock to the system that it would propel them back into their reality. Eyes darting around the battlefield, he tried to estimate the size of his stopga field, realizing there was no way he could include all of his classmates. No one else on the team had a grasp on this kind of magic, and one wrong move could leave them stuck in this time forever, or worse, catapult them into another. 

That left them with only one choice. Destroy the phantoms; beat this place at its own game. 

From the edges of the Heart above them, darkness rained down, joining the remaining spirits and changing them. No longer did they appear as silhouettes of young wielders, but instead they grew into twisted figures of darkness: not quite heartless, a little more human. 

Without hesitation, the ghosts were back, three times as powerful, impossible to block, taking out an whole health bar in one hit. “We have to close it!” Hermod cried. “It’s giving them their power!” 

Xehanort was transfixed, not believing what he was seeing with his own eyes. “Xeh, cover us!” Eraqus cried, getting into formation with the other four, a five-pointed star of light forming between them on the ground as they each channeled their hearts’ energies. Xehanort tried his best to shield the incoming attacks, but as their energy field to grow, the enemies became even more fierce. One shoved right past him, impossible to block, charging into the group, colliding with Vor, spoiling the formation and leaving the rest of the team scrambling to get their blades back out. Vor’s blade was grasped in her hand, poised in front of her as the phantom pushed her back, her feet dragging two lines into the dirt. With its free hand, it scooped tangible darkness out of the air, grabbing the blade of her key and squeezing until it snapped. 

“Vor, watch out!” Bragi cried, watching their teammate duck and dodge, trying to get some distance from the phantom. It repeated its movement, channeling more darkness, preparing to unleash a shot onto her as she fled. From across the field, Bragi outstretched their arm, preparing to send a reflect bubble onto Vor to protect her. 

But as their arm was held out, another phantom charged, striking Bragi at that point of attachment, sending them ricocheting back, hitting their arm with so much force it tore clean off, leaving the young wielder tumbling to the ground and the arm and weapon flying off, landing metres away. Bragi was paralyzed in shock for a second, lying on the ground, blood starting to seep on the ground beside them. As they started to scream, Vor couldn’t help but turn back, but that’s all the phantom needed. It shot a strong beam of darkness right through her, paralyzing her, stopping her heart, her armoring vanishing and leaving her completely exposed as she fell to the ground, body limp and eyes lightless, her soul extinguished. 

“Vor!” Bragi screamed from the ground, crying into the dirt, trying to lift themself but stumbling and falling, tears streaming down their face. 

Xehanort shouldn’t have let this happen. Fuck being careful – he tried his best to lock onto his team mates, summoning up his time magic as best he could, preparing to cast, taking an ether for good measure… 

But the spell fizzled. Mana empty, Xehanort was realizing he wasn’t strong enough. His escape route was no good, and now he would have to watch his friends die. 

At the same time, shock was hitting Eraqus’ heart like a sledgehammer. Two see two horrible things happen to his friends – to see Vor die, right before his eyes – it lit a fire in him that he didn’t know existed. “Don’t… fucking… touch my FRIENDS!” he cried, running towards the nearest phantom, reinvigorated and fighting back for a personal reason this time. He locked on to two phantoms not too far away at the other side of the field. The first he knocked back with a series of powerful combos, bigger and better than Xehanort had ever seen him do. As Eraqus began to reach the end of his Ars Solum, tearing through the phantom before him, it disappeared, leaving only the other. Without hesitation, Eraqus lunged for the second phantom, driving his blade into it, right through its heart. 

But the second felt different from the first phantom. It wasn’t fleshy and charged, but hard and metallic. Red began to seep onto the notch on his blade. Xehanort was watching from off to the side, not two phantoms, but only one visible to him, horror on his face from where his helmet was starting to shatter. Something washed over Eraqus, like walking under a waterfall, and the darkness in front of him melted away to reveal something very real: armor. Keyblade armor. Hermod, with Eraqus’ keyblade struck through his chest. 

(The only thing strong enough to pierce keyblade armor was a keyblade.) 

In his realization and horror, Eraqus’ blade disappeared and Hermod crumpled to the ground, sputtering, fading. Horrible dread began to fill Eraqus, leaving him paralyzed, looking at his own hand and sobbing, “No, no no…” 

Xehanort couldn’t believe what he had seen. He knew it must have been a facade – this place playing trick on Eraqus, the one thing that would break his spirit. All Xehanort could do was watch as Eraqus fell stunned to his knees, grabbing Hermod’s body, quivering, crying, trying to discern if this was real or not. “Hermod!” Urd screamed, sprinting at them. Eraqus was petrified, unable to believe his own eyes anymore. 

The remaining phantoms began to reappear, some behind Eraqus, some behind Urd. As much as Xehanort wanted to only look out for himself, he couldn’t let Eraqus die. He leapt to him, stunned and defenseless, standing behind him and protecting them both within his reflega bubble. Urd was trying her best to strike through the enemies, trying to reach them and Hermod. They struck her in succession, pounding her back further and further the harder she tried to fight. 

“Eraqus – get up–” Xehanort called, trying his best to hold their shield. “Get up, Urd needs you–”

Eraqus was still in shock, unable to tear his eyes from the body before him. Urd, now far from them, was being pushed into the ground, her chest plate cracking and her helmet rolling off. She tried her best to block, but one phantom kicked her blade out of her hand, stepping on her chest, the crunch almost audible across the ring, leaving her sputtering and crying.

All the remaining phantoms surrounded Xehanort and Eraqus, everything resting now on Xehanort. As his reflega burst, he dodged and started striking back, trying his best to reach any of the phantoms, to keep them away from Eraqus. As they assembled, closing in on the two, Xehanort was moving as fast as he could but his strikes were getting less precise. One began to move in on Eraqus and he changed his direction midswing, preparing to knock it back, but another phantom appeared before it, blocking him and pushing back with enough energy that his blade cracked suddenly, shattering like glass. He didn’t stop – as the other reached for Eraqus’ head, an energy piqued in his body and he leapt into the air, another blade, _ a new blade _ , glowing cyan and sharp, appeared in his hand, tearing through the nearer phantom like a sheet, leaving it in two pieces, oozing black blood as it fell to the ground. Xehanort charged through it, his armor becoming covered with its essence. He continued his assault, shredding the other spirit between him and Eraqus, grabbing his friend’s hand and casting, “stopza–”

And just like that, they were kneeling in the sand again, daylight around them, no Kingdom Hearts in the sky, their friends gone. Eraqus kneeled there, before Xehanort, placing his hands in the sand before him, grasping for the illusion, crying, “No… no-o-o…” 

“Eraqus–” Xehanort was trying to bring him back, removing his own helmet and kneeling beside him, reaching for his arm but hesitating. “Era, come back, we’re safe, we’re okay–” 

“No, no,” Eraqus sobbed, coughing out his breaths. “What the fuck have I done…” He crouched there, his whole body shaking, terrified, enveloped with shame. The feeling was so awful that it twisted and formed into another reaction, anger, and Eraqus was straightening up and accusing Xehanort: “Where are the others? Why didn’t you save them? W-we have to go back for them–” 

“They’re already gone, Era,” Xehanort cried, moving to grab his arm. 

“Then why did you stop this?” Eraqus screamed, chest heaving, throat burning. “I should’ve died with them – you should’ve let me die–” he shoved Xehanort away from him. “How could we let that happen to them? I wish I was dead, I can’t—I can’t live with this – I –” Suddenly, his keyblade was in his hand. 

“Eraqus, this place plays tricks on you,” Xehanort warned, leaning back, his breaths coming raggedly. “It makes you do things out of your control. What you did…” they stared at each other in a moment of silence, eyes met fiercely, “it wasn’t you. No one ever has to know. Please… put that down…” 

“Eraqus–” Another voice came from behind them. Both turned, finding a squadron of adults coming for them. “Xehanort–“

Eraqus was in shock. His father was there, hugging him, crying, but their classmates' parents were, too – Hermod’s mother, Urd’s father – screaming, sobbing for their children to show themselves. Xehanort was much too lucid for his liking, struggling to explain to their Master, every word he was saying never really reaching the stunned Eraqus’ ears.

_ “how did you get out of there?” _

_ “… I don’t know.” _

_ “Why didn’t you save the others?” _

_ “I wasn’t… strong enough…” _

Master Coeus was embracing Eraqus as hard as he could, but the boy could hardly feel it. Eraqus' father tried to move him away from the graveyard, but he couldn’t stop staring. The other senior Masters had opened the rift again, and they were bringing out the bodies. Eraqus wanted to throw up.

Xehanort couldn’t shake the feeling of despair that completely saturated his body. While Eraqus wasn’t responding now, he couldn’t stop crying, shivering. He’d been the reason they were here in the first place. He’d been the one who could’ve stopped this. Four lights extinguished, in his name. On his conscience. His superiors sobbing over their children’s bodies, mangled in a way no keybearer ever should be. Something was breaking in him. The two remaining were brought back to Scala and admitted to the hospital. Eraqus didn’t speak again; Xehanort had nothing more to say.

Neither of them would be the same after that day.


	10. Chapter 10

It was surreal, the two lying a bed apart in the hospital, unable to even look at each other. They didn’t know how to process something like this; it consumed them. Everything reminded them of it – of being there, in the Graveyard, watching their friends destroyed before them. They’d witnessed the power of true darkness, able to bend even the brightest wielder into its will. 

Eraqus’ shock began to slowly heal into understanding with the help of his family. He and Xehanort switched places: as Eraqus began to grieve, all Xehanort could do was become numb. Xehanort had never felt so alone in his life. He lay there, separated from his best friend by a curtain, hearing his parents tell him day in, day out: “there was nothing you could’ve done.” “It wasn’t your fault.” “Fate sometimes leads us to terrible places but we can’t control that; there’s no use regretting it.” “They didn’t suffer.” “You have to carry on in their place.” In the infirmary for three days, they hardly spoke to each other. Xehanort had broken his hand in creating his Master Key. He hadn’t felt any pain from it yet.

Eraqus was lucky – his strong support system helped him through this horrible tragedy. That’s all it was: a tragedy, unfortunately one close to him. These kinds of things were painfully common for people of their ilk. Eraqus had tried his best and some things would be out of his control. It taught him that some things – _the darkness… Kingdom Hearts_ – were not to be meddled with. He missed his friends, but he carried their light with him. It was now his responsibility to do the things they’d never had the chance to do – his duty to carry out their wishes.

All Xehanort had learned was that in saving Eraqus’ life, he had made him want to die. It was a mistake he wouldn’t make again.

He had no one. The only way he could cope was by drawing it inward, breaking every memory into the most finite interactions, turning it into a collection of moments that couldn’t hurt him anymore. As much as he tried to tell himself the things Eraqus was being told, he was consumed by guilt. Everything around him reminded him of his weakness – the empty study, the parchment, their bags in the classroom, the Keyblade he had earned. The guilt was the worst thing in the universe, and he couldn’t escape it.

Eraqus was living a parallel experience to Xehanort, unable to use his training key for all the same reasons. He never spoke a whisper of what he’d done to anyone, breaking down and begging his Father for a key, claiming he wasn’t strong enough with his training key anymore. His father bequeathed Master’s Defender to him, and he would never have to touch Starlight again. He was separating himself from the things he’d done, denying that it had happened. It was the only way he could move forward.

Xehanort knew he couldn’t stay here. Three weeks trying to cope only cemented the fact that he could not be in Scala ad Caelum anymore. He wouldn’t let these horrors stop him from becoming a Master, but he couldn’t learn here. He was alone, and for the first time in a long time, Eraqus didn’t need him. His best friend hardly called on him anymore, and the eggshells between them made everything too painful to bother with. All this over saving his life – maybe he should have just said it back, at least once, and maybe let them die poetically, together, young and grasping onto something that was barely there, no need to say goodbye, finally getting their eternity together.

But it was too late for second thoughts. Xehanort had acted, changed his fate forever. And now, he had to follow this path.

He packed now with so much less determination. He told himself that the answers he was looking for were out there – that’s what this was about, not running away. He found find the strength that he needed. It was raining and cold, thunder occasionally rumbling on the horizon. The dry season was ending. It marked a time for change.

The Master knew of his departure today. Xehanort promised to check in more often so as to keep on track. Before he left, there was one last thing he needed. Four souls to atone to.

(He didn’t want to give Eraqus the chance to try and stop him again).

The rain was light enough when he stopped by the graveyard. He needed to get this closure, as painful as it would be.

He started at the grave farthest right, setting a bouquet of tiny white flowers down. He could feel Vor’s light still lingering, reaching out to her energy with his heart.

_I’m sorry I underestimated you. You were always a powerful mage. I should’ve given you more credit._

Urd was next. His hands were balled into fists to keep the emotion from bubbling through. He knelt and lay the flowers down.

_Thanks for all you have done. You were a commendable teammate and you would’ve made an excellent Master…_ He paused and glanced at Hermod’s grave, beside her, _… and mother. I wish I hadn’t been so jealous of you._

Hermod, to her left, was particularly easy to channel. He’d always been strong of heart.

_Even though we didn’t always see eye to eye, I know you did everything with our best intentions in mind. You were good at taking care of the others, and you were a great lead._

And finally, Bragi, the farthest left.

_I’m sorry for everything I did to you. None of those things should’ve mattered, but I couldn’t take it. I know you never meant harm… I wish I could say the same about my intentions._

And suddenly, Eraqus was behind him, speaking softly. It wouldn’t be a departure if Eraqus didn’t try to stop him, now would it? The fight was gone this time, though Xehanort took his half-hearted attempts as an indication that he was finally realizing that leaving was the right thing for Xehanort to do. Still, that didn’t stop Eraqus from acting like he was the only one who could absolve him of his sins.

“What happened wasn’t your fault.”

Whether it was or wasn’t didn’t matter anymore – it _had_ happened, and now Xehanort had to pay the price. He didn’t want to face Eraqus, worried that either of them would do something they’d regret. As he neared the edge of the cemetery, Eraqus’ voice was reaching out to him, trying to manage the same light-heartedness it had when they were boys. It was almost nice to hear him try to joke again, and Xehanort relented, meeting his eye, a safe distance between them.

This wasn’t a goodbye; just another see you later.

Xehanort left the graveyard, Eraqus trying his best to let him go, holding himself back. He lingered there for a while after Xehanort was gone, trying to get accustomed to the new normal. The last few weeks had been the first time in his life that he’d had to prioritize himself, not even considering how badly Xehanort needed him until it was too late. He knew Xehanort was changing – even their first conversation in the keyblade graveyard, he knew Xehanort was slipping away. Little did Eraqus realize that his own withdrawal had been the nail in the coffin that would drive them apart forever. He stood there in the rain until he was drenched and shivering, only then starting the trek back home. He couldn’t stop himself from detouring to Xehanort’s room in the main castle. Disappointment welled in his gut – part of him would always be wishing for one last goodbye, some kind of closure. Xehanort was gone, as if he’d never been there in the first place.

Eraqus had just begun to cope with losing his four classmates. He couldn’t believe he had just lost Xehanort, too.

It was times like these that Eraqus couldn’t help but feel nostalgic – wishing they could be fourteen again, staying up all night in Xehanort’s room, talking endlessly, only needing each other. Back then, Xehanort was _his_ – they had been there for each other, in heart, mind, and spirit. He missed having no expectations, wishing so badly to have one more endless afternoon together, a secret rendezvous without the horrible knowledge they both had to live with. Even now, he wished he could have Xehanort’s protective streak back, someone to scold him for saying out too long, to wrap him in a towel, to stop his trembling.

But now he was alone. In a time when all they had was each other, Xehanort chose to leave. This was a turning point for Eraqus – for the first time in his life, he was learning that the only person he could rely on was himself. He’d never grow out of the belief that Xehanort might come back (Xehanort never dealt in absolutes, never willing to cut him off for good, always leaving him with the tiniest hope that they might ever have something like they’d had on the night they’d met.) But for now, Eraqus was alone, trying to navigate the horrors he’d witnessed with no help, unable to share with anyone else the true depth of what he’d lived. His only brush with darkness consumed him with a guilt he wouldn’t face – that his own desire to protect his friends had allowed the darkness to plant its seeds in his perception. He was afraid, but now at least he understood. His path was set, North to Xehanort’s South: he would never let something like this happen again.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the delay! Uhg, life got so busy, but I needed to finish this. Here is the much awaited epilogue...

From that day, Eraqus was a changed man. Lessons with the Master were different now. Things weren’t fun anymore, being the only one around. Eraqus’ manner changed drastically – as much as he tried to mourn, he carried things with him that he could never get over. The onus was now on him to fulfill all of his friend’s dreams; he wanted to become the greatest wielder that any of them could have become.

As much as he tried to immerse himself in his studies, he couldn’t deny that he was painfully lonely. Sitting in the graveyard was grim, but some days, it was better than nothing. As much as he wanted to start hardening his heart to Xehanort, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wrote him, not really with the intention of ever sending it, but moreso to have someone to talk to. He loved his family, but it wasn’t the same as having a friend, and he could never have a friend like Xehanort again in his life.

He knew he could contact Xehanort if he wanted – he talked to the Master often. Eraqus held himself back, saving his letters, holding out hope that one day, Xehanort would change his mind, would search him out, apologize, and everything would go back to the way it used to.

But he was met with months of silence. He shut himself off and learned to live with it. He became Masterful; calm and prepared for his exam, ready to never make the same mistake. As the exam neared, he knew Xehanort would soon be back. Every morning, part of him wondered if today would be the day he would walk into the study and he would be there, on the windowsill, waiting with the chessboard set. Eraqus always brushed his hair, ironed his robes, peeled back the door slowly and poked his head in.

He’d rehearsed this day a thousand times in his mind, for he knew it would come. He could see it so clearly: the sun shining on Xehanort’s white hair, a pair of open arms, the two finally crashing together. This horrible tragedy had the possibility to unite them – the only other person in the universe that could understand what he went through. The only person he had left. He wanted things to be like they used to and he had anticipated it so clearly it was almost reality.

But Xehanort was never there.

It was a cloudy morning a few days before the exam. Eraqus hadn’t slept well so he was late arriving to the study, his books under his arm to go through one last theoretical review. He was behind, more frazzled than most days. He pushed the door open, freezing as a figure was finally there, in the dim room, backlit from the clouded windows. He was looking out, down at the city below them, arms crossed behind his back. Eraqus stumbled, dropping his books on the desk, approaching quickly, then stopping himself. “Xehanort…” Eraqus spoke gently. “I’m so glad you’re back—”

Slowly, he turned, and Eraqus moved in to embrace him. To his surprise, Xehanort flinched back, resisting his touch. Worry flooded Eraqus’ face and Xehanort reflexively replied: “Sorry… I’m just not used to that anymore…”

Gingerly, Eraqus touched his arm. “Are you alright?” Xehanort wasn’t meeting his gaze. It wasn’t like Eraqus had prepared for – why was Xehanort holding back, looking away, not even letting him touch him?

“I’m fine,” he spoke evenly, shifting a bit so Eraqus’ grip slipped off his arm. “It has just been a long time.”

Eraqus was faltering, trying to summon up their reunion as he’d imagined it, but it was crumbling before his eyes. “I missed you,” he managed. Xehanort didn’t respond, putting his hands behind his back and turning again to look out over the city. “What have you been doing?” Eraqus tried to prompt.

“I’ve been more places than I can name,” Xehanort pondered. “I’ve seen things I didn’t think were possible.”

A silence stretched between them again. “That’s it?” Eraqus asked. “Are you not going to elaborate?”

Xehanort snorted air through his nose, almost sarcastically. “You wouldn’t like what I had to say.”

Eraqus’ frustration was growing. “Xehanort, enough of this foolishness. What has gotten into you?” He stepped forward with more determination, grabbing Xehanort’s arm and turning him to get a good look at him. What should’ve been familiar and comforting was unusual and novel – a stranger before him, eyes that weren’t his own. “What happened to you?”

He didn’t dodge Eraqus’ gaze anymore, staring intensely. “Maybe I’m not the same person I was.”

“Neither of us are!” Eraqus insisted. “But that doesn’t mean everything we have is meaningless!”

Xehanort shook his head, scoffing, wandering off. “You won’t like what I’ve become.”

“Something in you has changed—” Eraqus was looking for something to blame, grasping onto the memories of his friend.

“Yeah. I grew up,” Xehanort spoke decidedly. “And now I’m strong enough that nothing like that can ever happen again.”

“We are strong together—” Eraqus insisted, reaching for his hand.

Xehanort pulled away before he could grasp it. “Obviously, that failed us. And you didn’t hold that sentiment upon our return here.”

“ _ You  _ left  _ me—”  _ Eraqus shouted, frustrated, “completely alone when I needed you most!”

“You didn’t need me,” Xehanort’s voice was level and low. “Look at you, in the best form I’ve ever seen you. Alone, each of us have grown beyond what we ever could have imagined. You can’t rely on anyone but yourself.”

“Then why did you save me back there?” Eraqus demanded. Xehanort would have to admit that he stilled cared for him—

“Perhaps I wouldn’t do the same again,” the other mused instead.

The man before him was a stranger. Eraqus was realizing there was nothing left of the boy he had loved unconditionally – Xehanort’s body was being tempted by something Eraqus was afraid to name, something both of them should have understood the power of. Eraqus’ heart was breaking but he wouldn’t let it show.

Where he would’ve once been lighthearted, all he could manage was a cold, “I wish you the best of luck, then.” His hands were balled into fists at his side, trying so hard to hold himself back. He wished he could hate Xehanort for being this way, for giving up on him, but to him, it wasn’t Xehanort’s fault. Fate had been aligned against them from the moment they’d met, driving them apart, a series of unfortunate events tempting Xehanort down a dark path that Eraqus couldn’t save him from.

“I won’t need luck where I’m going,” Xehanort brushed past him, leaving him more alone than ever, no fond hopes to keep Eraqus company anymore. This was all he’d get – no explanation, no fight, no rational reason behind it – just the stranger leaving him in the study. Eraqus was left never really knowing, always half wishing (but never admitting) that one day, Xehanort would return, the  _ real  _ Xehanort. These halfway hopes haunted Eraqus from the moment he’d seen Eraqus’ face, decorated with gold, lying awake in bed with that image in his mind the night before their exam. They should’ve been together, but fate wouldn’t let it be.


End file.
